It's not MINE. It's OURS.

Posted Saturday, November 24, 2007 10:00 PM

We spent this weekend at Mom's for Thanksgiving, as planned. Lots of talk centered around our wedding, especially since I had all the Hard Rock information and color cards to pass on to my aunt.

Or, more specifically, my aunt, uncle, grandma, mom's former boss, and one of mom's friends from high school. They didn't all converge at once, understand, but sometimes I wanted to scream in the middle of all the show-and-tell, and run out of the room!

It started with bridal gowns. Inevitably my aunt asked a bunch of questions, so that led to she and I and my mom at the computer, logged in here on The Knot, looking at the gowns in my notebook. Then my aunt got a bee in her bonnet about other gowns, like Vera Wang. My cousin, who was married in Michigan in 2003, got her Vera gown on sale in Ohio. Hers "fit" her very well. . had Jenny written all over it, in fact. But there's only "that one gown in a million" for each bride, and I don't happen to like Vera much. However, I had to humor my aunt and my mom, so I went to Vera's flagship site and browsed. Then Will popped up behind me, and saved me. But luckily, my aunt didn't see much she liked. After that the conversation moved on to "high end" consignment shops, and buying gently used gowns. I haven't posted it here, but I wrote an entry in my other journal that basically says this: I would like my gown to be my own, when the time comes. I don't have to spend a lot of money, but I don't want to think of another woman in "my" gown. They know this. They're just being Mom and Aunt, respectively.

I was relieved when my uncle wandered over, and started teasing Will about looking at tuxedos. "Let's look at some guy stuff!" he said. "Will's probably getting bored of all this girly nonsense. . ." He was joking, of course, but Will actually found some styles he wants to keep in mind. Then my aunt jumped in with this:

"Well, isn't it bad luck for the groom to see the bride's dress before the wedding, anyway? Or don't you mind?" Fact is, we don't mind! Will's coming with me to fittings and appointments because he wants to--I swear, he said that! He'll see me trying on the gowns, and maybe tell me a hairstyle or two he likes. When the wedding day comes, though, I'll look way different.  

I'll probably tag along when it comes to his tux(which he wants to be uber-traditional, at least bow-tie wise). Basic black, no tails, possible cummerbund or vest, and bow-tie. I had to keep from swooning. I love a man in a traditional tuxedo!

Bottom line, he can participate in whatever he wants to, be it gown fittings or catering or favors or décor. He said I can come along to tux fittings, we're sharing responsibility for the color scheme, and we're even "dividing" the day itself. I asked to have at least one polka played at the reception(since I'm Polish) and he wants to hear bagpipes during the ceremony(he's Irish, but I love, love, love pipes anyway, so it works out well!)

It's not just my day, and not just his. It's ours. As in both of us. We're slowly learning to nod and smile when it comes to family, and use their ideas if we want to, and toss them gently aside when we don't. Might not be as traditional as either family would hope, but it's our day, and hopefully at the end of all this planning, we(fam and friends included) can all enjoy it.