"Just hurt some feelings already..."

Posted Monday, December 10, 2007 4:36 AM

12/9:
I made a comment about "dodging the bullet" earlier tonight, which referred to settling the guest list issue about my dad's friends attending the wedding. I have gone 'round and 'round about this with Will: breaking my dad's heart by getting in his face and saying, "I hate your friends, so they're not invited" is not something I have the chutzpah to do.

Will seems to think that since I dislike the way Dad's friends act, and am worried about them acting insensitive and offensive, I should have handled the issue differently today. I guess he thinks I can't save my own butt, and Dad's girlfriend must fight my battles for me. He told me to "just hurt some feelings already, just do something," but something is holding me back from connecting "hate" and "your friends are not invited" in the same sentence, out loud, to my dad. Will thinks I'm giving the impression that it's only about money, and since my dad would be willing to pay his friends' way, that I didn't put my foot down.

Some days I would love nothing more than to be extremely, irrevocably up front with Dad. But I know, even though his friends are not my type, and I don't want them there, saying that to his face, will disappoint him and break his heart at the same time. Around 7pm tonight I didn't think I had to worry about this anymore. Now I guess I do. All because of my stupid mouth.

***Knottie's Update: 12/10, 11:41am: Just after I wrote this, Will and I had it out in the living room. Basically, I "blew my top" and screamed at him to plan the wedding without me, or write me a detailed script to deal with my dad. ("You can't tell me how to deal with him! You've known him less than a year, and I've known him my whole life!" etc.) Once I calmed down, we talked rationally about it, and I told him how I felt: that he seemed to criticize my efforts instead of complimenting them, and that he thinks my dad's girlfriend is always the one to "save" the wedding conversations. He didn't have much to say. Except he never meant for me to feel that way, he doesn't think my dad's girlfriend fixes everything and he doesn't want to plan this wedding alone. Then I gave him a crash course in "How My Dad Thinks 101". Bottom line: my dad is very emotional, and doesn't forget easily. I get much of that from him, so the last thing I want is him remembering that his little girl broke his heart over one day. I have to handle my dad with kid gloves, especially when it comes to sensitive issues. About Dad's friends: I was never able to speak up when I was a kid, and to an extent, I still can't, unless I use extreme tact. I think Will understands that better now. Will and I agree that the Dad-and-guest-list is not only about money, but it's over now.  We've settled it, agreed to refrain from giving "how-to's" on dealing with our own parents, and all is well.