Posted Tuesday, March 06, 2012 3:31 PM
It's starting to feel like my life is becoming a waiting game, like I'm stuck in stasis until my child is born. There is still plenty for me to do before he comes, but less and less is essential. For example, I'm not too far from being finished with the bed skirt for his crib, but it's not like he would be without a place to sleep if he came before I finished it. Still, who knows when it would get finished if he came first, so on the whole, I'd prefer to finish as much as I can before he comes, which is, like I already said, plenty enough. But it's much more than just being more or less physically ready. Each night I go to bed tired and worried that he will come before I've rested enough to be ready for delivery; throughout the night, each little thing that wakes me--his kicking, Keith moving, a need to pee--initiates a concern that I might be in labor before I awake enough to discover the real cause of my waking; thus, my mornings drag out with a need to get all the sleep I can, just in case this happens to be the day. And it doesn't stop there. I can't call anyone without the first thing they say being some subtle attempt at asking if I'm in labor. I'm glad that everyone is eagerly waiting, but what about life in the meantime?
I'm not in a hurry to have this baby. He will come in his time, when somehow his body and mine agree that he is ready to survive outside my womb. Why would I want to force him before he's ready? Besides, I enjoy being pregnant, even now. And what of my time with my husband? I'm glad to have each of these last days when I can end each day with a few quite hours with him. I love being rested and focused enough to tell him how much I love and appreciate him and to get lost in his beautiful eyes. I love that we still have the freedom to lose ourselves in dreaming together and that we have time and desire to do things like play games and talk in bed after the lights have been turned off. Even if our conversations and dreams often center on our baby, I still cherish having these uninterrupted moments.
I have to admit, though, that I am happy for this time of waiting. I couldn't imagine working until delivery. I need this time to rest when I can and prepare mentally for what is to come. I just don't want waiting to be my whole life. It feels ungrateful for this time with which God has blessed Keith and me.
Posted Friday, March 02, 2012 5:43 PM
I seriously doubt it could even be planned between Keith's family and mine, but someone calls me each day just to make sure we're all okay and, most likely, to find out if I've gone into labor without telling our families. It's a different person each day. It makes me happy to know that we are loved and that someone is thinking of us and cares enough to call and check in on us. Of course, I'm also thankful that everyone doesn't call every single day. I wouldn't be able to finish nesting (it's crazy how that urge takes over!) if I was always on the phone, but it really is wonderful to know we are loved. We have such wonderful families!
Posted Thursday, March 01, 2012 5:33 PM
I wonder how many babies were born yesterday, and I'm glad that my son wasn't one of them. Keith and I agreed that we wouldn't mind if he were a leap year baby. It'd make him special, and we'd discussed some ways to make his birthday awesome on the years there wasn't a February 29th. It's so weird to know that he could have been yesterday and have been perfectly fine. In fact, yesterday I was with a friend whose baby was born ten days before her due date, and that was me yesterday.
We're just happy that he wasn't that early. Each day that he waits to be born is one less day that I'll have to be away from him when my maternity leave ends. And, I'm not ready to give up this special time that I get him almost entirely to myself. I'm excited to hold him and look into his eyes and feel his fingers curl around one of mine, but right now I'm so glad just to have him with me every minute.
Posted Tuesday, February 21, 2012 6:28 PM
It's a little scary to think that baby and I are getting ready for his big day. I've already posted about how he's on track for his original due date around March 10. Last week my doctor predicted that he'd be around 7 lbs at birth, and this week she said that he'd moved down a little more. Now he's at the -1 station. I'm 70-75% effaced and about 1.5-2 cm dilated. It's both scary and exciting how close labor is. The numbers make it real. You can't undo dilation or lengthen the cervix. And baby will just keep growing. How did this all happen so fast?
Posted Tuesday, February 21, 2012 6:17 PM
Keith makes this face when he really gets into something, like when he's perfecting some part of a picture he's drawing. I call it his concentration face. It only happens when he's completely absorbed in something. I'm sure we all have a concentration face we make when we just lose ourselves in an interesting or challenging task.
The other day Keith was playing with baby. I think he might have been trying to tickle his little foot. I had been watching what was taking place via my uterus, but then I looked up and saw Keith's face. He was so into playing with his son that he was making his concentration face, and I knew that in that moment, playing with his son was the most interesting thing in the world to him. My son is so lucky to have a father that already finds him fascinating, and I am lucky to have a husband who is so loving.
Posted Wednesday, February 15, 2012 10:46 PM
At my appointment yesterday I had gained four pounds. I guess maternity leave and reduced stress are doing what they are supposed to, and I'm gaining weight now like I should be. My doctor is still a little concerned about my iron levels but not enough to increase my vitamin intake. Other than feeling a little tired still (which I suppose happens at 9 months with low iron), I feel pretty awesome for this point in the pregnancy. Even though baby is moving into position and my doctor says my cervix is getting ready, I find it hard to believe that I'll be having a baby within the next month (unless I'm seriously overdue). So often women claim that they are "just ready to have the baby already" or are "tired of being pregnant" at nine months, but I don't feel that way. I love being pregnant, and so far, I don't feel miserable all the time.
I wish that I could have been on maternity leave for the entire pregnancy, but at least I am now and we're both healthy.
Posted Friday, February 10, 2012 1:46 PM
I think I might go insane if another person accuses me of not eating when I mention that I wasn't gaining weight. I understand that the doctor has to ask. She has to find the cause if she wants to help. But from everyone else, it feels like I'm being asked if I love my baby. Why would I starve my child? It's not like I skip taking the huge prenatal vitamins even though I hate swallowing pills, especially ones as big as my little finger, but you do what you have to for your children.
And then, as if it isn't already bad enough to be accused of starving my son, the same people usually go on to suggest that I eat ice cream, candy bars, and other such foods. If they think I'm not eating, why would they think I'd be enticed to eat bad foods? Besides, while I do want to gain weight, I care more that baby and I are healthy. I can give us plenty of calories from foods like cheese, eggs, and pastas which will also give us needed vitamins and minerals. (To be fair, I understand that people are just trying to help, and who doesn't want permission to eat junk?)
I guess I'm just surprised by acceptable prejudice, although I really shouldn't be. By this point in my life, I'm fairly accustomed to people saying somewhat hurtful or insulting things to me that they wouldn't say to someone who is larger. For some reason it seems to be acceptable in our culture to say something offensive or insensitive to a skinny person if it makes the speaker feel less self-conscious or insecure because, honestly, what can a skinny person say in return? It's definitely unacceptable in society to say anything that might make a person uncomfortable about being overweight. I've noticed the same thing with racism against whites and sexism against men. Sexism against woman can lead to lawsuits, but a man who is brought low by a woman is made to feel an inferior man if he doesn't just take it. Likewise, the law protects against racism against everyone except whites. It makes a little concerned about my son's future since he will be a white male (and probably be thin, too).
Posted Thursday, February 09, 2012 6:52 PM
Yesterday afternoon we had an ultrasound to check on baby's growth since I hadn't been gaining weight. Everything looks great. They estimate his weight to be about 6 pounds, and his growth is on track for his original due date of March 10. The tech also measured the amniotic fluid, and she said it's the perfect amount. After that, she took some 3D pictures of our son for us to have. We couldn't be happier with the check-up! I'm so glad that he's healthy and growing like he should, and it was a wonderful bonus to get pictures of him!