Posted Monday, October 27, 2008 9:46 AM
We did the AHI yesterday...see if this works or not! If nothing else I feel better knowing I didn't "waste" an O. Used a special tube made for that sort of thing that I got from the dr a while ago. I know AHI seems like such a weird thing, but really not that much different than IUI!!! And cheaper...lol. We did it and then I laid down for a while - hoping those little guys were doing their job.
Posted by
nigellasbabydust
Filed under: AHI
Posted Sunday, October 26, 2008 12:21 PM
FINALLY had a weekend off where I am not sick or something bad happens!!! YEA!!! lol. Last night DH and I went to a winery for a work function of his. I don't really know those people, but most seemed nice and pretty cool. But his boss' wife was sooooo fake! She would say something and it sounded so scripted and you knew the moment you walked away she was talking about you behind your back. Hate that!!! Then she got trashed and was practically yelling in my ear instead of speaking at a normal volume. I so badly wanted to tell her to shut the hell up!!! You should never get drunk at a work function. Duh!!!
In other news, I should O today or tomorrow and I am still trying to get DH to donate some sperm to our cause. He is not so certain about it any more... I heard of lesbians using a donor and doing at home insemination. Worth a shot, right???
Posted Thursday, October 23, 2008 12:51 PM
So, I am healing decently from my surgery...still bleeding and puffy. Feel "tight" inside, if that makes sense. But not too bad. I am mega bummed have to miss O this cycle and I thought of buying a turkey baster to do you-know-what with DH's little men. lol. He said he'd try it! lol. Who knows...could work, I suppose. I do feel very blessed by God that he allowed my body to heal itself and rid of those growths. That is incredible!!!
I also cancelled my acu appt today as I had a "dream" that told me I didn't need it. It said, "God will get you pregnant! Just Believe!" So I thought, maybe this is some sort of message...so I didn't go!!!
Posted by
nigellasbabydust
Filed under: post-op
Posted Tuesday, October 21, 2008 2:04 PM
Well, had my surgery yesterday...I was pretty happy there was no bowel prep as a vaginal surgery, not abdominal. The joy ended there... No food or drink after midnight the night before. Starving is a horribly unpleasant feeling. Mouth of fuzzies and saw dust is way incredibly worse! The headache from being dehydrated is a close second. My theory is that vomiting prevention is not the reasoning for the ban on food and drink. Oh no! The real reason is much more sinister: doctors have a secret agreement to make patients so miserable pre-surgery that the actual procedure comes off as euphoria.
At least my surgery was not at some ridiculously *ss crack of dawn hour like my LAP was! It was in the early afternoon, but had to arrive 3 hours prior for pre-op blood work. Upside being, if procedure had been in the wee hours of the morning, I could have ended my personal draught much sooner! Anyway, since the blood work took all of a blink of the eye and the OR was running behind, at first I wondered why I had to arrive 3 hours before. Well, reason being - 2 of those 3 hours were a battle of wandering around like nomads through a hospital "campus" maze as we were idiots who didn't realize there were like a dozen admitting areas and despite directions from numerous hospital employees, we still got lost more than a few times! Would a map have been too much to ask for? Even the mall has maps at random points! WTF?!
Finally DH and I found the proper building and admitting area. Whew! Eventually I was led back to change into the highly fashionable butt bearing hospital gown. Then I met the Anesthesiologist, who was a total nut! I mean like one of those weirdos who carry on conversations with themselves weird! But she did a fantastic job with my IV, so I stayed instead of fleeing from my hospital bed! Ah, what the heck! Most super intelligent types are extremely odd! They weren't dating in high school or college, obviously, so it is to be assumed they just studied 24/7. BTW, did you know they make skirt scrubs??? Me either until I met her!
Anesthesia freaks me out...Obviously the weirdo doctor did her job properly or I wouldn't be writing this now. The amusing thing is that every time I am knocked out, I recite Shakespeare upon awakening. Apparently I play a pretty rivoting Hamlet or Richard III!!! I did study Shakespeare pretty extensively, but I never realized I had it memorized until my first surgery! Wonder if it is like I am some genius while in an altered state of mind! lol.
Anyway, when I woke up I was amazingly nearly pain free except for some minor cramping. In fact, regular Tylenol has done the trick! I am still bleeding but that is normal considering I had a D & C and a camera and God only knows what else crammed in my who-ha. I hate having to wear a pad! Even the super thin are reminiscent of a Pampers! But I can't use tampons or have intercourse for a month - Pelvic Rest. Ugh! So much for hoping for my BFP for my birthday! And if one more person says, "Oh, poor DH!" I think he can survive 4 wks w/o sex! OMG! I am the one who had surgery and he gets the sympathy?!?!
I am going to ask my RE if that is really necessary to wait that long though. Considering I have no incisions, I would assume the chance of infection is very low. Oh yeah, get this! No fibroids or polyps were removed as you can't remove what isn't there! My uterine growths were spotted on at least 3-4 internal/external u/s's and numerous exams by more than one doctor and some how magically disappeared on their own! My RE and OB were pleasantly shocked as that is fairly rare for them to just go away that quickly. I just had an u/s 2 wks ago! God was busy with my uterus I guess! I wonder how much my TCM aided in this process??? First my cysts went away on their own, with the help of God, and now this! Wow!
At first I was bitter as I had a surgery I didn't really need (though no way to know this a head of time) and in no way will help my infertility. But I am severely trying to focus on the positives.
On the funny side, my you-know-what makes a fart noise when I pee from the gas the doctor used during the procedure. lol. This highly amuses me and makes me laugh like an idiot each time! Pathetic and immature, but hillarious none the less!
So, yeah, that was my hysteroscopy....next up, I just got a call that I am due for my yearly pap. Seriously?!?! Already???
Posted Sunday, October 19, 2008 8:28 AM
Ugh...I hate to do my BBT chart anymore...everyone on the dang site seems to have gotten her BFP this month! Good for them...hard for me... like a brick in the face every time I see it! And then the whole depression kicks in and I have to remind myself that God has a plan for me. It is a viscious circle and I would prefer a nice straight road to my BFP instead!!!
Then last night at this Halloween party (which I couldn't enjoy as I was exhausted from working all day!), it was like baby bumps every where!!! I was so sick of hearing pregnancy tales and about baby stuff. We had to leave! It was upsetting me too much! I can only listen and be supportive for so long and then I have to preserve my sanity and walk away.
My surgery is tomorrow...will it make any difference? Am I suffering thru all this pain for nothing???
Posted Thursday, October 16, 2008 12:37 PM
Something has changed in me though...at church Sunday we had a guest speaker and I swear her entire service was dedicated to me! It was crazy how much it spoke to me! After the service my friend Mel asked me if I would want to pray with this guest. We aren't accustomed to doing something like that. Just seems so odd to walk up to someone and ask her to pray for you even if she is a preacher! But I did it anyway... it was wonderful. I sobbed. Mel sobbed. The guest speaker did too. Her daughter whispered to me she has healing powers to which my immediate thought was, "Yea, ok, whatever!" But when she touched my abdomen, it grew very warm and that warmness spread through my whole body. It was amazing...uplifting. I think God really led these people into my life and if nothing else they have increased my faith. I have to learn to never doubt. Be patient for God's answer. Love. Faith. Hope. All these things I need to practice and believe. I know I sometimes feel perhaps children are not in my future...and maybe they aren't. Not everyone is meant to produce children. I just want them! But most people feel I will be a mommy. I even think that myself deep down. With the way my periods have been improving and my cycles, I think it will happen. I just have to endure the pain for now. It must be some sort of lesson God is teaching me or an exercise in strength. My problems are big, but my God is bigger!!! I have not felt as sad as I did before this experience. I know my last post a few minutes ago seemed so negative, but the pre-op appt was really humerous and the pain is great. No lie. But I don't know God's plan for me. I know his plan, like all fathers, is for me to be happy though!!!
Posted Thursday, October 16, 2008 12:24 PM
Had to give up a ton of blood today for more hormone tests - FSH, prog, estrogen, etc. I swear, it is amazing I have any left - hormones or blood!!! When saw my new RE yesterday I asked about the tissue samples for that protein test and she said she isn't doing that Mon - just removing the fibroids and polyp. So that is ANOTHER procedure I have to endure later in this cycle. Ugh. I don't think I can handle much more! It is terrible... today I have a monsterous migraine...I almost want to rip out all my female parts and just save to adopt. This is just too painful in so many ways!!! Yesterday had my pre-op with her: such a joke! lol. They made me drive down to the hospital 'campus' and the appt was like 4 minutes long!!! I was so mad! It took me an hour and a half to get down to Midtown, park, etc and for the dr to just say, "Well, this is what we are doing Monday!" Seriously?! Why not over the phone??? lol. Actually, it was a new office I had never been to and I got so lost I almost gave up! Then I found it, went to the assigned parking garage only to discover it was FULL. Great, now what? I don't know where else to park! So I circled around and finally found another ramp. Parked on the 5th floor and realized I better make a really good mental map or might never find my car again!!! I some how managed to find the right building and made it to my appt on time. So glad I was not late for that. Seriously...lame!!! Wonder what my insurance gets charged for THAT?! Oh, and I forgot to mention that I had to watch this circa 1980s film on the procedure so I could be "better educated". Ok, so that part can't be done over the phone, but I doubt that film changed anything in my life other than increasing the cost of my parking by having to stay an extra 5 minutes!!! At least for this appt I didn't have to tow around heavy films and my appt was kept by the dr!!! Cost me $30 in parking and gas. Nice.
Posted Wednesday, October 15, 2008 8:27 AM
Well, she came yesterday as I expected with my temp change and was really, really violent!!! TERRIBLE cramps! Worst had in a long time!!! My flow is at least red and not black and my cycle was a good length. Two positives. Whew.
I am really annoyed with Prego Queen...she asked me how my cycle was going so I told her and she acted relieved I wasn't pregnant! Like she wants that all to herself! WTF??? When she was TTC, I was so encouraging and telling her it would happen and to keep faith. For me she is like, "Ugh". Just seems extremely unsupportive, caddy, witchy, and selfish on her part. Once she got prego, she didn't "need" me any more as a cheerleader or what?!?! I am offended and angry and about two secs from telling her so. But I bit my tongue... errrr...
Complaint #2 today is: what is the deal with already pregnant women joining infertility boards to chat about their pregnancy??? Join a pregnancy site!!! WTF??? Just so rude! OMG!!! That is making the support group more of a stressor, so go away! Ghesh!!!