On the other hand....

Posted Tuesday, September 22, 2009 11:34 AM

Last week I was watching Fiddler on the Roof for 4 hours and whenever Tevye the Milkman had a problem he would talk it out using the "but on the other hand...." It worked great until his middle daughter married a non-Jew: "There IS NO other hand."

My husband and I have been talking a lot lately about starting a family. Next month we will have been married for two years (which apparently is about the time your mother and other family members are supposed to start asking all the time "when are you going to have a baby?")

To paraphrase Ellen Degeneres: I want to have a baby -- I don't want to HAVE a baby. 

Which isn't totally true. 

I DO want to have a baby. I look forward to having a baby. WE look forward to being parents. 

But there are also things we want to do and places we want to go before we have children.

On the other hand: these places will always be there

But on the other hand: some of them are not kid-friendly and would cost more.

If you've read this blog before, you'll know I'm in a wedding in June. I was thinking I wouldn't have a problem is I was the pregnant BM -- the problem is we are taking a cruise in July (we're cruiseaholics -- did I mention that?), and the ship will not let you board in your last trimester. 

Plus, Royal Caribbean will not let you cruise with a child younger than 6 months.

Fast forward to 2011: The Disney Cruise Line is repositioning a ship out here to the West Coast. You cannot travel with a baby younger than 3 months on the Disney Cruise Line  Last June I put in a request for us to be on the journey through the Panama Canal-- thinking the ship would reposition in February. Working backward, we could have had a child in October/November who would have been 3 months old by the time the ship sailed. No problem. However, the ship is sailing in January.

New plan. 

On the one hand: It is just a cruise, and there is only so big a window a woman has to concieve.

On the other hand: I'm only 31, and the fact that we got onto this cruise -- which I never thought in a million years would happen -- seems like a sign.

So I went to a spreadsheet and marked when we could have a baby (putting aside the fact that we haven't really started trying and have no idea how long it will take). 

We told our friends and family that we were looking to start in February 2010. Based on the chart -- it looks more like August/September 2010 at the earliest. 

I know my mother wants to be a grandmother -- I know my grandmothers want to be great-grandparents. I know my father and my in-laws are happy to have us wait even longer. I know waiting will give us time to get the house set up, more money put aside and more time to "practice."

Traveling seems like an odd reason to put off parenting

On the other hand: is it really as odd as it seems?

But the other hand: Is it OK to postpone one dream for another?

Ah look -- more questions than answers. Guess I should get used to that if I'm going to be a mother someday.