the dress, my melting brain, and other stories that underscore the creepiness of the wedding industry

Posted Tuesday, February 03, 2009 9:10 AM

Ugh. Have you ever read reviews of David's Bridal and then thought something along the lines of, "But it seems like a good place to start, I might as well give it a try"? Don't. Save yourself.

To be fair, here's the full disclosure: Last year, I lost 25 pounds. Over the past six months, I've put it all back on. I hate shopping for clothes, and on the rare occasion that I buy new duds, I only try them on about 20% of the time (hence the drawer-clogging multitude of still-tagged jeans and shirts that didn't fit me and never got returned).

So I did what any overweight, anti-shopping bride-to-be would do: I sent my maid of honor to do the dirty work. My little sister obliged, and spent her Sunday searching online and at DB for the perfect gown. She had tons of fun, called me from the store, took tons of pictures, and grabbed a few catalogs for me to peruse. She made it seem completely stress-free, and convinced me to tag along the next weekend. Per her advice, my mom and sister and I headed out at the same time (2:00PM) the following Sunday. It was a mob scene. The aisles were non-existent; to get anywhere was to navigate through a veritable mountain of crinoline and tulle. Five girls posed on a stage towards the back of the store, as a vast audience of friends and family (sprinkled with complete strangers from other parties) critiqued their every spin. Not knowing what to do, I headed to the 10s, picked out a few dresses, and mozied on over to the "Sign in Here" counter, where I waited without assistance for a few minutes. The dresses were getting a little heavy, so I followed a gaggle of girls to another desk and waited in line. This exchange followed (DB=David's Bridal. Three guesses what the second "B" stands for.):

Me: "Hi, how are you?! I was wondering if I could please try these on?"
DBB: [Staring down at desk.] "Do you have an appointment?"
Me: "No."
DBB: [No answer, takes a call.]
Me: [...]
DBB, looking over my shoulder: [Shoves clipboard at me.]
Me: [Start writing down name.]
DBB: [Finally making eye contact, smirks.] "It'll be an hour to two hour wait."
Me: [Cross off my name.] "Goodbye."

Lest someone feel it necessary to come to the rescue of a national, multi-million-dollar business: I understand that it would have been more responsible of me to make an appointment. Duly noted. But my days in the service industry taught me one thing: your goal is to keep people happy. She couldn't have helped the hour or two wait, but she sure could have saved a potential customer by treating me with a modicum of respect, or offering to make an appointment for me on a less busy day. Then again, perhaps when a business gets as much revenue as David's Bridal from unsuspecting women who don't know that they could get better treatment elsewhere, those antiquated rules of customer service go flying out the window. Did I mention that a saleslady physically pushed my mother out of the way while I was waiting in line? Yeah. Needless to say, we left.

On a whim, I called Bridal Images - a local, independently-owned shop - and they were able to take me immediately. I can't say enough good things about my experience there! We talked price (under $1000) and styles (A-line or tea-length) and my amazingly understanding and patient consultant guided me effortlessly throughout the store, never showing me a dress above my budget. After we'd picked a few simple dresses from the showroom, she brought me to their sample closet (she apologized profusely for the mess, but it looked better than the aisles at David's Bridal) where we found several others. The first dress I tried on was her choice, and I wasn't crazy about it on the hanger. But darn if all the advice (you won't know until you see it on you) isn't true! It fit me like a glove, didn't even need a hem, and looked like a dream. I tried on all the others, but nothing compared. I bought it off-the-rack (complete with fully detachable train and matching organza shawl) for 60% off - still more than I'd originally planned to spend, but $600 and no need for alterations seems like deal to me. And it's perfect for my venue, style, body... I love it! 

So remember last post when the registry was melting my brain? Well, it kept nagging at me so much that before I knew it, I was checking/updating every single freaking day. When it got to the point that I was having internal debates with myself over which tablecloth would best match the china, I realized something had to give. Off came the "fancy" Parchment, off came the "everyday" Cellar, and on went almost every piece from the Sophie Conran Portmeiron Collection. It'll match anything and it's built to last. That's that.  

Just when I thought I'd gotten control of my senses, I decided that it would be a good idea to hand-address the save-the-dates. We had needed to send out 90 cards. We had 250 free envelopes to work with. No harm in trying, right? Armed with my new $5 calligraphy pen, I set to work. First up: return addresses, one after the other; about 1/5 was a mess-up. Then onto the mailing addresses. Much worse stats - about 1/2 got tossed. Then I had the brilliant idea to emboss a stamp on the front of each envelope. I started with gold embossing powder on about 20 envelopes, but decided they looked too holiday-card-ish, and threw them all away. Had to go back and re-do all that calligraphy. I finally found my stride and finished each of the cards with a silver embossed flourish. All told, the project took me about 8 hours and I used all but 10 of the envelopes. Sheesh. Still, they looked great (the postage stamp even matched the save-the-date cardstock backing!), and I'm definitely going to try to do my own invites to match.

Next up: the monogrammed handkerchiefs. Armed with a bunch of 50%-off Michael's coupons, I stocked up on chartreuse embroidery thread and several needles. Last night's "a & e" trial run was disappointing to say the least - it's my first time embroidering anything - but with a little practice, I should have the men's ceremony favors done in no time. Right? Ha.

Next up on the DIY circuit:

* Continuing to practice "cupcake" flavors. Last weekend was mini-lemon meringues and baby apple pies. Lemon meringues win a coveted spot on the cake table... jury's still out on the apple. Strawberries and blueberries are waiting in the fridge for their eventual reincarnation as desserts.
* Flowers. My mom and I decided we could easily take on this project (yikes). Thus far, I've bought some terra cotta vases for centerpieces (to tie the TexMex theme onto the dining tables - $50 for 28 of varying heights) and am on the hunt for glass cylinder vases for the cake and guest book tables. I'm thinking yellow roses and white peonies and have found a few vendors with decent DIY packages for around $250. I figure that even if it's hell getting everything done, it's worth saving $1000 on the floral bill.
* My veil! I finally found Russian netting for an amazing price online ($2.50/yard for 9 inch - LaceandCo.com - highly recommended). Along with the coque feathers, clear combs, ostrich feather, and shipping, my handmade birdcage veil will cost under $25. It's my project for next weekend.
* Invitations. I'm waiting on a craft store cardstock sale for the text sheets (I can only print out on 8.5x11 and then cut them down), but I've ordered my pocketfolds, envelopes, and response envelopes from PaperSource for $120. I think the final design will mimic our save-the-dates (vellum overlay, khaki bow), but won't know for sure until I get my hands on the paper. UPDATE: Paper Source was out of the pocketfolds, so I cancelled my entire order to reevaluate the color scheme. Back to the drawing board!