[ugh] tradition.

Posted Wednesday, July 08, 2009 2:41 PM

Anyone who's seen me plan this wedding knows that I'm not the most traditional bride-to-be. Yes: my dress is white and I want to carry roses. But no: I don't care what my bridesmaids wear, the groomsmen don't need to be in tuxes... and I don't want my dad to walk me down the aisle.

This first came up when I made an eleventh-hour addition to the wedding party: my friend Sara, who had originally declined a bridesmaid title but recently opted in (much to my delight!). Since we now have uneven numbers of bridesmaids and groomsmen, I tried to figure out in what order everyone should walk down the aisle... Have the best man start at the front with Erik and then have same-sex pairs? (The boys might not like that.) End with a trio? (Aisle might not be wide enough.) Have Erik's brother step in just for the walk? (Meh.) Girl-boy-girl-boy singles? (That could work.)

But then what about everyone else? A quick Google search taught me a good amount... but after scribbling down a few options, I realized that the only person lacking an escort during the "honorary guest seating" would be my mom, and that hardly seemed right. So mom and dad would walk together, and I would walk alone. Ooh, I liked the sound of that! Besides, what's up with all this "giving away" crap anyways? For the past nine years, I've done everything in my power to gain as much physical and monetary independence from my parents as possible. And aside from two years of school (and this wedding), I've done a pretty good job (if I do say so myself). Our emotional relationship? Not the tightest: I grew up fast, 'nuf said.

Much to my chagrin, good ol' dad didn't take too kindly to this news. His reaction was halfway between speechless and hysterical - "Wha... bu... no! I have to walk you down the aisle!" He might have even cried a little, and really - I'm not completely heartless. So for the sake of tradition (and of course his feelings), I'll pretend that I'm daddy's little girl and need him to pass the proverbial torch on over to Erik on our wedding day.

Thus the show goes on...

A month out, we had our walkthrough with the caterer. After working out all the whats and wheres, Chef started asking me about the cupcakes. What kind? Icing or buttercream? Frosted or piped? Topped or plain? At first I thought he was genuinely interested... then I realized he was quizzing me! After answering all of his questions and explaining that I'd already done a test-run of 130 for work, he was put at ease and trusts that there won't be any frantic Friday-evening calls requesting a wedding cake.

My mom visited Potomac Floral the other day to start getting ideas for our arrangements. We both really liked the look of freesia and mocked up a vase with a few bunches - but after two days the entire house stank to high heaven. Bells of Ireland are a top contender for the boutonniers, off-white roses for the bouquets, and beargrass with ivory and yellow roses for the centerpieces. It'll be a stressful few days trying to pull everything together, but the savings will (hopefully) be worth it.

Speaking of money... we're officially over budget. From top to bottom, we'll end up spending just under $22,000. Eeks! Little miss cheapo broke the bank? Yeah, maybe... but factoring out the cost of the rings and gifts (huge splurges that Erik and I paid for personally) puts us right on the cusp - and still technically under mom & dad's 20 grand limit, so I don't feel too horrible.

The expense that really put us over was transportation. A word to the wise: never wait until the last minute to check with your hotel about whether or not they'll be able to provide a guest shuttle... or anything else, for that matter.

[Sidebar: We booked our blocks with the Washington DC/Rockville Hilton. Erik's parents also chose to host a Friday evening cocktail meet-and-greet at and catered by the hotel. Despite the party and 25+ rooms booked, we were denied any complementary service - the shuttle would cost $5pp each way (<2 miles), a hotel room for Erik and me would start at $135 (pre-tax). Period. Apparently, we didn't qualify for the free room since our guests hadn't booked 50. I mouthed off to the manager (in a pseudo-professional email, natch), and after some cajoling (read: threats to warn other brides about their hotel), we were promised a comped room. Though there's not yet enough information about their services for me to give them a final vendor review, I must give a nod to the staff for keeping me happy.]

Since we obviously needed another shuttle option, I threw a few RFQs out into the craigslist microcosm and eventually found a private vendor named Lance who will be providing his transportation services and 15-passenger van from 11:30AM-10:00PM for all of our guests for about $600. That looks like a lot on paper, but everyone's in agreement that the piece of mind this service brings will be well worth the cost. We even ordered a pair of door magnets from Vista Print (great quality, $10 all told, and shipped in a jiff) to make him look a little more legit!

Lastly, I found a few more awesome bridal party gifts at Fred Flare - thanks Erin for the tip! (Hint: check out www.retailmenot.com for a 35% off coupon code.)  Highly recommended if you're in the market for fun products and amazing customer service.

one month to go!

Posted Thursday, June 25, 2009 11:01 AM

I write this post with mixed feelings. On the one hand: I'm thrilled that I'm 30 short days away from being Erik's wife! On the other: recent events have estranged my parents and siblings. In brief:

In November, my parents offered to host a post-reception barbeque. We graciously accepted, on the condition that they thoroughly clean their house. They agreed.

Fast forward to two weeks ago... my sister let slip that my shower (planned for this Saturday) would be held at my parents' house. Up until that point, my mom had implied that my aunt was hosting. Their house was still as messy as it had been in November; they'd done nothing to clean. I was appalled and embarrassed.

(PS: In case you think I'm exaggerating about the mess: this room is indicative of the entire house.)

Taking drastic measures, my brother, sister, Erik, and several friends worked from 2PM Saturday until 11AM Sunday (with a 4-hr break to sleep) moving their junk to a storage unit while my parents were out of town. When mom and dad returned, they were livid. Since then, my sister has moved out, my brother has been kicked out, and my dad has taken them both off his insurance. Now no one's talking to each other and I've been asked to mediate a "family meeting" on Saturday. Right before my shower. At least the house looks nice...

So on to the happier news:

1) Erik bought our rings yesterday!

2) We're completely done with gifts!

...And since I was always at a loss about what to buy for them, here are the details: digital picture frames ($45) for the parents; ties ($10), belts ($25), and beer koozies ($8.50 each with volume discount) for the boys; activity buckets (filled with bubbles, crayon roll, and coloring/sticker book, with finger puppets attached to the outside with velcro) for the ring bearer and flower girl (total $7 each); envirosax (paid $5 each with discount code), microbead pillow (with hand-sewn covers - $5 each) and assorted gifts (~$15/each) for the girls.

3) We've done a lot of searching for Erik's suit, no no avail, so on a whim I ordered one online from Nordstroms... it arrives next Monday and we hope it works!

4) Finished up the guest book pages with old cardstock leftover from the invitations - they should make for some really cute memories.

5) Finally got a shot of the completed favor boxes. You can't tell by this picture the sheer amount of room they occupy, but they're taking up the entire spare bed. I decided not to do tags on each one because I'm too lazy (we'll just say I'm "going green"?), so we'll do a sign on the table indicating that guests should help themselves.

6) RSVPs are due tomorrow... I still haven't received about half of them, but our guest list is shaping up to be about 130-140 which is a-m-a-z-i-n-g. Both Erik and I are really happy that the crowd won't be as unmanageable as we first imagined.

june projects: attendant gifts, picture practice

Posted Monday, June 01, 2009 8:48 AM

We just mailed out our last batch of invitations. Phewf, what a relief! 94 total on the A list (=184 people), with 14 additional on deck just in case we make it to our B list (=28 people). Since our goal is around 150 guests, I didn't think we'd even have to worry about the B list, but other brides have reported that the economy is really taking a toll on attendence, so... we'll see!

In late May, we were able to visit our flower girl and her family to drop off her dress. It's an adorable little number from Bon-Ton, white with baby pink and chartreuse embroidered flowers and green satin piping. $25 on sale! Since my parents dropped off the outfit for our ring bearer when they visited Erik's family in April (another Bon-Ton sale purchase - beige seersucker pants, white short-sleeved top, and chartreuse sweater vest), both of our kids are set!

It's nice to have a little breathing room now, but there's still a lot left on the to-do list. So what's on our plate this month?

1) Think about what to get for our attendants. Since there are so many, we're trying to stay under $50/person. Most of Erik's guys have already been married and had the same group of groomsmen, so a lot of the old standbys (wallets, flasks, cigar holders) are off the table. We're considering something they can wear at the wedding - belts and ties? - but then we're back to the drawing board since we'll need to supplement that with something more personal, as well. I've only been able to pin down a gift for my sister - this bikini she's had her eyes on for over a year now. Not quite your average wedding present, but I know she'll appreciate it. The others are tough - they're just not your generic hearts-and-jewelry type of gals, you know? I'm considering fake lime green pashminas (for fun), some hand-made jewelry that I can personalize for each one, and/or a nice edition of a book that reminds me of them.

2) Tie up a few loose ends - like finish the rest of the handkerchiefs (40 to go!) and decide how I want to present them and the fans - with programs? Without? Tied with ribbon? In baskets, or on chairs? Oh, decisions.

3) Get our catering supplies from Costco - Reflections silverware and Masterpiece plates - then tie together sets of silverware in a nice thick napkin with the rest of my yellow tulle, for easy pick-up. (I'm trying to ignore the fact that they'll need to build a new landfill just to handle the trash from my wedding.)

4) Make decisions about the flower girl basket (/pomander?) and ring bearer pillow. Then make them accordingly.

5) Figure out how the f**k to pose for photographs so we don't look like yellow-toothed mental patients. In all seriousness, if we (ahem... my parents) are spending a grand on photos, I'd really love to have a few that are actually, ya know, flattering. And neither of us has ever really grasped how to pull that off.

6) On a related note, I guess I should whiten my teeth (and figure out a dainty way to suggest the same to Erik).

7) Several drunken performances on recent dance floors have underscored our complete and utter lack of coordination. So some practice may be in order.

8) Try my darnedest not to keep getting sunburned in sports bras. If I don't get some tube tops stat, my strapless dress isn't going to be nearly as flattering.

9) Find gifts for each other. (Honey darlin' if you're reading this, a cooking class or a nice camera would be super-cool!)

10) Figure out whether or not we're going to have a period of celibacy before the wedding. (EEKS!) Neither of us are crazy about this idea, but it seems like t might be worth it the night-of... but whether or not we'd be biting each others' heads off while waiting remains to be seen. We were originally planning on a month, but since Erik hasn't brought it up, I kinda get the feeling he's hoping I'll forget about it!

may project: accomplished! final invitations

Posted Thursday, May 14, 2009 8:13 AM

So I've spent a full week of spare time now finalizing these silly invitations... and it was worth it. I have pictures of the entire suite uploaded to Photobucket: http://s170.photobucket.com/albums/u273/spontamyous/wedding%20prep/.

The most labor-intensive part has definitely been lining the envelopes, but I'd highly recommend it to anyone planning on DIY invites - the wrapping paper gives a bright first impression, and it makes the entire suite look (if not more polished, than at least) more substantive.

What I would not recommend, unless you're really a stickler for details and have a lot of extra paper lying around, is the personalized response cards. What started as a "great" idea turned into the aforementioned week's worth of fastidiously typing in the names from our guest list, formatting the card to fit the number of attendees, and then trying to figure out their personality (I'll get to that later). One major stumbling block was getting the last names of guests who would be attending as "plus ones" - all those ladies who live alone, but knew who they would bring. (It wasn't necessary, but it seemed right.)

Anyways, since I'm still trying my darnedest to maintain some personality throughout this ridiculously life-altering planning process, I decided on the following options in place of "will/will not attend":

1) would be delighted! / regretfully declines.
2) will be there! / will be sqaure.
3) can't wait! / can't make it.
4) is ready to dance! / will sit this one out.
5) will pencil it in! / has better things to do. [for teenagers]
6) has bottle, will travel! / would rather stay home and nap. [for babies]

And since I've never met most of Erik's guests, this was a bit of a gamble. To play it safe, I always used option 1 for the first name and then added the snarkier ones as needed. Some of them were really fun to personalize further - like to the toddler across the street, I added a third option: "will come only if hoodies and action figures are allowed." And for a friend up north: "bringin' it Alaska-style! / snowed in."

So would I do it all again? Hell no. This was miserable, and though I'm really glad it's done and I'm mostly happy with the results, you'll never believe how many times I said something along the lines of, "We should have just gone to an f***ing invitation store!" And if despite that advice, you decide to take on 100% diy invitations anyways, please make sure to factor a few cases of beer and an awesome gaming system into your budget, for your fiance's sake.

PS: Hi Erin!

May Projects: Invitations, Rehearsal Dinner

Posted Wednesday, May 06, 2009 5:12 PM

The favors are done, done, done. 150 4x6x6 kraft (natural brown) boxes, each stuffed with a mini-margarita glass (padded with neon green shred) then tied with a wide ribbon of yellow tulle and a thin strip of natural green raffia. I'm very pleased with the way they turned out!

I've spent my extra hours at work this week developing the personalized RSVP cards for each family/guest - that's a slow and rather arduous process, but it's coming along nicely and I think everyone will appreciate the personal touch.

A major sticking point along the way has been the rehearsal dinner. As I mentioned earlier, the economy recently forced Erik's father to sell the family business, and as a result we were told that the budget had been cut considerably. Erik and I were asked to make a choice between "a nice dinner with a few people" or "everybody at McDonalds." (A not-so-cute exaggeration made by his father.) We chose everybody at McDonalds, because I'll be damned if our bridal party members are traveling 100+ miles to a wedding and can't bring their significant others simply because they're not yet engaged.

Erik and I offered to do some research. After hours online, a multitude of phone calls, and a Saturday driving to various parks and potential caterers, we provided the best option to his dad and step-mom: a nice late-afternoon/evening catered event at Seneca Creek State Park. The lot we chose fit up to 50 people, had plenty of parking and its own playground, and offered a lovely lake view. Catering would be through Corner Bakery, who I'd cajoled into delivering. The total cost for 50 people would be around $500, and we'd even have the leeway to extend invitations to some extended family members who arrived in town early! Erik called his dad to give him the good news. The conversation ended with his dad saying. "Great! I'll reserve the site, then we'll just send you a check so you can set it all up."

Not exactly the kind of enthusiasm I was hoping for. But I prepped myself for the worst, began on rehearsal dinner wording that we could simply add to the existing invites, finalized the picnic menu with the caterer, and waited to hear back.

After a week, we still hadn't heard confirmation of the site being reserved, so Erik called back to confirm. His dad gave the phone directly to Erik's stepmom, who quickly expressed that she thought the entire picnic idea stunk. She thought it was much too low-class, so she'd taken matters into her own hands. I know nothing of the current plan beyond: it will take place in a banquet room at the guest hotel on Friday evening. No menu options, no talk about who's invited, no input on the invitations.

The kicker: I just checked with the hotel. They don't have any banquet rooms that will fit the number of people on my rehearsal dinner checklist. She didn't mention cutting anyone from the list, so now instead of planning a fun picnic, I'm planning how to nicely tell my best friend that she can't bring her girlfriend to the dinner because she's not engaged. (The kicker: She's gay. They can't be engaged.) Woohoo.

Update: Invitations, Favors, and Cupcakes!

Posted Monday, April 27, 2009 11:11 AM

Wow, it's been a busy month! I hardly know where to start...

Most importantly, I was finally able to get our invitations finalized. It took me forever to finish the design (especially when it came to sizing everything so that we could use the cardstock without wasting any scraps), and about 7 trips to various supply stores, but it was worth it - they're gorgeous! I was even able to find some really fun, bright, floral wrapping paper at American Greetings that I've used as an envelope liner and belly band - it does a great job of tying in the colors of our wedding, and also lends it a little bit of whimsical romance (which I'll be the first to admit was slightly lacking in the original mock-ups). We'll be carrying our save-the-date design over to the invites by using the same vellum overlay technique, incorporating the names in brackets, and tying the pocketfolds closed with the same ribbon that was used to make the bows.

The damage:
80lb white textured cardstock: $13 (with coupon) for 60 sheets
40lb smooth white cardstock: $5 for 50 sheets
Translucent vellum: $11 (with coupon) for 50 sheets
Floral wrapping paper: $8 for 2 rolls
Ribbon: $2 (clearance) for 50 yards

Oh, and the post office finally released the new stamp designs for pre-sale. We've ordered $0.44 Simpsons stamps for the response cards (it's Erik's favorite show, so his friends and family should really get a kick out of them!) and $0.61 wedding cakes (they even have a hint of our green) for the outer envelopes. (I was hoping to keep the whole package to under an ounce to save on shipping, but with the weight of our cardstock/number of enclosures, that simply wasn't possible.) So postage for 100 invitations will run us just over $100. So our grand total for invitations is just under $300, or $3/card, plus a little sweat equity. Not bad! I'll be printing the pieces this week, then cutting and compiling next. With a little determination, I should have them out by my May 25 deadline no problem.

The favors are coming right along. Erik helped me finish boxing them over the weekend, and now I'm working to tie the tulle and raffia around the boxes (so that each one looks like a little present!). Instead of a tag, I'm going to print out the "cheers!" message on round stickers and slap one on each box - it's just easier, and I don't have to worry about the tags getting bent up/torn off. So far, so good.

I've been seriously slacking on the handkerchiefs - embroidered three more over the weekend, so there are about 50 left to finish. I'm getting there...

One more note about paper projects: I finished the guest book/scrap book pages a few weeks ago. Used patterned 4"x6" photo mats ($4/24) and adhesive photo corners ($3/250) to make 96 pages - each one has a place to insert the instant photo each person/group will take, then room for a message on the same page. After the wedding, I'm going to have the pages bound into a nice book. Because of the new camera and instant film, this was an expensive project (~$180 total + binding) but I hope that it'll be a big hit, and something that Erik and I will be able to treasure in the coming years.

Finally, the cupcakes! The work event prep went incredibly smoothly - 8 hours total for 112 cupcakes (five different flavors). I bought plastic muffin containers from Plastic Container City (enough for the meeting and my wedding) along with a whole mess of liners for around $45 including shipping. Supplies for the baking and frosting cost me about $40 more. I was paid $1.50/cupcake, so basically catering this event just paid for my wedding cake supplies, and I was able to do a trial run! I've posted pictures of the different kinds in my album. For the wedding, we'll have more professional signs (we'll probably do a small "window display" of all the varieties, each with a calligraphied toothpick sign) and I'll pay a little more attention to the piping details. Lessons learned: none! My bake one day, decorate the next technique worked out perfectly, the cupcakes stored well in the fridge, they didn't get gross while sitting out, and the containers/carriers were sturdy and deep enough to handle them. So I'm basically thrilled!

April Projects: Invitations, Favors, Cupcakes

Posted Friday, April 03, 2009 9:20 AM

First things first: I'm boycotting Michael's Arts and Crafts, and I invite you to join me! I used to love this store, and I guess I still do, but I've found them incredibly unhelpful wedding-wise. Most recently, a 4 for $1 sale on scrapbook paper sent me scurrying to their Laurel location full of hope - I'd finally be able to get started on my invitations! After spending a full 30 minutes color-hunting in their paper aisle, I marched to the counter with supplies for about half of my invites (I was so sick of thinking about these things, I was willing to risk not having all of them match just to get 50% out of the way ASAP). I whipped out a $20, expecting a total of around $15. Balance due? $67.52. Turns out every sheet of paper that I'd picked out had been mis-shelved and was actually a full $1/sheet. Fine, simple mistake; I just wish the cashier hadn't been so rude about it. Needless to say, I left emptyhanded and disheartened. (From here on out, I'm sticking to AC Moore or specialty arts stores like Pearl.)

Just wanting it to be over, I went straight home and ordered pocketfolds, envelopes, and response envelopes from Paper Source (highly recommended if you can catch a deal - customer service is top notch!). Everything was on sale, with an additional 10% discount for bulk purchases. Total for 110 of each: $147.98, including shipping. They arrived yesterday, and while they're slighty less vibrant than I pictured ("Curry" and "Chartreuse" from the supplier, I've since renamed them "Mustardseed" and "Split Pea Soup"), they'll do. The full invitation suite that we mocked up last night actually looks pretty good, and the muted colors might actually be a blessing in disguise - neon brights might not scream "traditional wedding" to many people. I'll post pictures once I have a final.

TBD: calligraphy vs. labels; RSVP wording (mom doesn't like "be there/be square" in place of the traditional "will/will not attend"); postage. (Last bit of invite minutae: The First Class USPS rates go up 2 weeks before I ship and there's been no news about upcoming $0.44 designs. Instead of that god-awful Forever stamp, I'm leaning towards using two fruit postcard stamps - at $0.54 it would be more expensive, but at least they wouldn't totally clash with the envelope.)  

Alright, on to favors... Those margarita glasses have been a huge thorn in my side ever since I realized that there was no way in heck I could give them out as-is; without boxes, half of them would shatter at some point. Not to mention how long it would take to set up a table with stacked glass favors! I bought 2 cases of 6 x 4 x 4 kraft (brown cardboard) gift boxes and a 10 lb box of lime green shred from Paper Mart for about $70 including shipping. Again, an added expense - but boxing the favors means that I no longer have to worry about filling them with candy/cookies/tulle/whatever - so I'm probably saving a few bucks overall. Plus, the extra boxes can be used as guest take-away containers for leftover cupcakes and treats.

With the packaging taken care of, I decided to stress over how to customize the glasses. Etching cream didn't work - it just looked ugly, and it would have taken forever. I tried embossing our initials with translucent powder, but that didn't look quite right either. We finally decided that a) no one's going to care and b) people will be more likely to actually use the glasses if they are distributed sans-personalization. So, the glasses will be left plain, then individually boxed and tied with tulle, affixed with a small tag ("thanks for sharing our special day. cheers! amy & erik") and stacked by the exit. One down, 149 to go!

And lastly, a brief cupcake update: My company has asked me to bake cupcakes for an all-staff meeting in mid-April. (They're even paying me!) I think it will be a great dry-run for me to see how long making 75 takes me (times that by two and we've got a pre-wedding timeline!), how they all look when displayed on the cupcake trees, how easy (or hard) they are to transport, and how they hold up to hours of room-temp. I'll post pictures and lessons-learned after the meeting!