Shots Fired, Groomsman Down!

Posted Wednesday, April 08, 2009 7:48 PM

I repeat - Groomsman down!

But thankfully he wasn't really shot.   Instead we are just down one groomsman who, just two weeks before the wedding day, informed us he has a (sort of) new scheduling conflict (another event) and can not attend.

Boo.

Stunned by the sudden notice and it's delivery (via email!) I posted my disappointment on my local message board, its focus on how I feel bad for Honey since he had seen this friend through some very tough times and now he won't be there for Honey on his happiest day in return, and the point that I think a phone call rather than an email was in order under the circumstances.

Little sympathy was offered (fine - not important).  But then there was this reply:

"If he is the kind of guy who normally emails before making phone calls, I can totally understand why he emailed the news. There are some people who prefer to not talk on the phone, as odd as it may sound. If, on the other hand, his typical mode of communication is by phone, then, yes, an email wasn't as appropriate. Still, it was nice of him to let you know at all." (emphasis mine).

Are you kidding?  

So if I am an emailing person, then it's okay to disregard courtesy and etiquette and just email instead.  I could have just emailed my invitations.  I could just email my Thank You notes.  Never mind that this is a blow to Honey, an email will suffice, rather than call and explain directly. 

But apparently I was in the minority on this one.  As one other poster put it "He probably felt terrible, being the reason for the email and not a phone call."  So feeling bad about the news makes it okay to deliver it impersonally. 

And then there is my added emphasis.  MORE shocking than the groomsman dropping out last minute, MORE disappointing that is was done via email and not apologetically done on the phone, was this statement: "Still, it was nice of him to let you know at all."

You are right it was nice of him to tell us ahead of time.  In fact, I would say it was pretty darn obligatory of him to tell us ahead of time.  But to read your statement is to believe that your position is that it would have been within his right to just not show up without explanation.

For me, reading this was more shocking that the (ex)groomsman's email.

But maybe I'm just old fashioned.

- Bride