Groomzilla

Posted Saturday, January 02, 2010 10:20 AM

The bridal industry with its disdain for women who are pretty much left alone and abandoned by their prospective fiancees to navigate the often unfriendly and scrupulous world of wedding vendors, talks endlessly of Bridezilla.

But when it comes to the groom they often think of him as the poor bastard that got stuck with the horrible monster for the rest of his life. He is depicted as the completely innocent victim, rather than the perpetrator who had a hand in turning an otherwise completely normal loving girlfriend into a a raging monster from hell.

So today on my blog I will do a case study of Groomzilla.

Unlike Bridezilla which is typically hands on, micromanages everything, has high expectations, and is completely frazzled, Groomzilla is her alter ego.  He is aloof, hands off, either doesn't care or acts like he doesn't care.  He is the picture of calm when dealing with other people.  He maintains friendly relations with other people, but when it comes to being his bride's best friend he is non-existent.  In many ways Groomzilla is like what in office-political terms is the sea-gull manager: he doesn't communicate, but assumes you know what to do, lets you do what you think is the best way to handle a project and then when he finally remembers to ask you how the project is going(without you bringing it up--that is, if you have to remind him he'll roll his eyes and pretend he's late for a root canal), he either shoots it down, complains how it is too expensive, or just tells you you're flat out crazy.  Then he walks out, more than likely back to his office to play solitaire while you're left picking up the pieces, and if you're the more sensitive type of person, probably trying to find a large enough rock to crawl under so you can cry your brains out.

This particular attitude becomes more acute if Groomzilla has a greater financial contribution to the eventual marriage than Bridezilla currently does.  If she is not working, he may tell her in a condescending tone that while it's all fun and roses for her in Wedding Land, he's taking on "real responsibility" by bringing a paycheck.  So basically, he's belittling any of the work that she has done even if she is under more stress than he is.  Sometimes, he'll throw her a bone and acknowledge that she is more stressed than he is.  But that bone also comes with a slap in the face of him saying that it's her own darn fault for being the sole cause of her stress.

Groomzilla is also marked by his self-imposed cluelessness.   He may erroneously think he has no say in anything wedding-related or that he just doesn't care enough to have a say.  An example: he may think he doesn't have to go try on tuxes because he's waiting for Bridezilla to pick one out for him because "she cares more out it than I do."  To the bride that is already trying to herd her bridesmaids which is often akin to herding cats, that is equated with him pretty much not caring enough about the wedding as much as she does.  To her, she cares about the wedding because she sees it as a way to express how much she loves him.  When he sends the message that he doesn't care, Bridezilla becomes an even bigger monster.  She will become more vocal and more difficult to please.  She may even go as far as to make more extravagant wedding plans with the hope of getting Groomzilla interested, or at least interested enough to talk to her.

While many Bridezillas are case studies for poor time management skills, Groomzillas are often the culprit: He'll think "the wedding is 1 year away, all I have to do is get a tux and show up."  Six months away from the wedding he will say to himself "the wedding is 6[he's still thinking 1 year away] months away, all I have to do is get a tux and show up."  Almost two months away from the wedding he'll think "the wedding is 2[still thinking 1 year away] months away, I have plenty of time to get a tux and show up."

So while he is thinking he has plenty of time to get his tux and show up, Bridezilla is dealing with: invitation mailings, final dress fittings, last minute additions to the guest list, decor and anything else under the sun that her vendors can throw at her.  

And when she tries to talk to him, all she can talk about is wedding-related items because she is so stressed and frazzled about the whole thing that she desperately needs his reassurance that things will be okay, that he cares about her and appreciates all the work that she's done.  But all she gets from Groomzilla is a roll of the eyes or a grunt.

And although Bridezilla is the one who is hiring and dealing with the vendors who are more than eager and willing to call her by that name, they are quick to jump to Groomzilla's aid and use sexist cultural stereotypes to justify his behavior such as "Men aren't into that type of thing," or "that's normal for the Groom not to be involved--most guys that are super-involved in wedding planning are gay anyway!"  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that last phrase was a little gem I heard from a florist. 

 So remember, whenever you watch that show on WEtv, that focus on how crazy a Bridezilla is during her wedding planning process, they are filming to get ratings not to tell the whole story.  For every Bridezilla that walks down the aisle, there is an equal and just as bad, if not worse, Groomzilla waiting for her at the altar.