FYI: This is Chad's bio and login. Jared has his own. Thank you. You may now return to your regularly scheduled Knotting.






If you need a hand, you can page me on Chit Chat. Or if you don't want to post on the boards, you can email me at two guys in love at gmail dot com. No spaces, change the punctuation, you know the drill. If you're emailing me to be a putz, don't bother.


Engagement story:
Sunday, September 12th, we drove to Cocoa Beach, ate dinner and walked down to the beach to watch the sunset. We were sitting there with just a few more minutes of sunlight when Jared said, "The number of grains of sand on the beach are how many years I'll love you. Marry me?" He pulled a box from his pocket with our engagement rings. I was nodding and crying. I couldn't help it! But I managed to say yes.

About our Wedding:
Jared chose our Engagement rings from The Titanium Workshop. I chose our wedding rings from the same company.

Our wedding was at our Church in the morning with an afternoon reception at our home. The guys wore this suit with their choice of vest and tie or their military uniform. Our lovely ladies wore different dresses by Jordan in the same color, my female attendant, Jared's female attendant (who wore a wrap for the Church) and our Ring Bearer Wrangler (who was a few months pregnant and looked amazing). They wore shoes and jewelry of their choice.

Here are some links to mockups of our stationery...
Engagement Announcement
Engagement Party
Save the Dates The rest of the info was typed and bulleted neatly on the backing card, this is just the front.
Invitation Text
Rehearsal Dinner text Dad handwrote on his personal stationery


We registered for 6 place settings of 4 different china patterns by Lenox. We like to mix and match. Our crystal is Flame D’Amore by Mikasa and our flatware is Oxford from Williams-Sonoma.

The flowers at the wedding were live, but this is the silk mockup of the centrepiece. This is the "sitting view" of the centerpiece underside. These are fire mums. “Ring of Fire” by Johnny Cash was my Mom and Dad's favorite song. This was for her.

Our cake inspiration was this cake, but I can’t remember where I found it. Our cake didn’t have the “lid” on top, just looked like it was topped with leaves. Our flavors were: bottom - carrot/cream cheese, middle - chocolate/caramel, top - lemon/passion fruit. We didn’t keep and freeze the top layer. We ate it that night. Energy, ya know.

You can read little blurbs about our life in my LJ blog. Some entries are friends-only due to weirdos. Don't take it personally. UPDATE: I rarely go to Live Journal any longer, but it’s still there if you want to read.


CHAD'S QUICK REFERENCE FAQ:

First rule: Treat your guests as well as you treat yourself. You might be the bride, but you're not that special.

Second rule: GOOGLE DAMMIT! If you're too dumb to use the most obvious tool, don't get married, get neutered and don't breed.

FYI...Check out the list of Public Service Announcements:
PSA: Wedding Party members are people too
PSA: Should I Fire My Bridesmaid? (courtesy of PretzelLogic)
PSA: Formalwear for men and boys


Do not get pissy at people who tell you what you don’t want to hear. If you want validation for a bad idea, say you want validation. Do not ask for opinions, if you don’t truly want them.

Remember, criticism isn’t always positive and negativity isn’t always bad.


Bio Quick Navigation Links


Looking for the Blue Questions?

These are only keywords to take you to specific sections, but they don’t cover every question in my bio. Try the keywords, then read through it all. If you don’t find what you’re looking for, page me on Ceremony Ideas or Making It Personal.

General Knot Questions	Save The Dates (STDs)	Mail/Respond & Order Date Formulae	Saving Money on Invitations
Invitation Proofing Quick Reference	Response and Reception Cards	Wedding Website on Invitations	Listing Parents/Hosts
Wording for Self-Hosting	Wording for Cash Bar	Invitation Times	Escort, Table or Place Cards
Required Invitations	Vendors: Care and Feeding	(not) Inviting Kids	USPS Info: +4, dark envs, postcards
Address Labels	Gay Couples	Using “and Family” and “and Guest”	Using “X seats Reserved”
Inner Envelopes	Addressing Titles	Addressing Order	Using Doctor for MDs & PhDs
President, Queen, Pope, Mickey	Invitation Assembly and Tissue	Invitations to Ceremony Dance Only	Blank Response Cards No Response Date
Rehearsal Dinner	Wedding Party, Attendants, Juniors	Ivory Dress White Shirts	Guest Dress Code
Parent & Wedding Party Clothing	Hem Lengths	Gifts: giving/receiving Registry Cards	Thank You Notes
Destination Weddings	Speeches & Toasts	Miscellaneous Questions	Bridezilla Questions
% of Attendance	CnJ’s Ceremony Reception Order	Tipping Guidelines	Budget Breakdown
Planning Notebook	Traditional Anniversary Gifts	Remembering Loved Ones	Downloading and Using Fonts
Stationery Vendor Recommendations	Links to Knot Boards

How do I contact The Knot about their message boards?
Answer: moderators@theknot.com or messageboards@theknot.com

How do I make tiny URLS?
Answer: tinyurl.com

How do I put a picture in my post?
Answer: Make the URL tiny then put the UNbolded tinyurl into [*img]tinyurlhere[*/img] and remove the *.

How do I make clickable links in posts?
Answer: In IE, just paste the link and hit the enter key twice after pasting. In Firefox and Opera, you should make the URL tiny first. You must type in the code by hand. Remove the * [*url]http://tinyurlhere[*/url]

How do I put a picture in my signature?
Answer: Click on your user name to go to your profile. Click on the My Profile button in the top left. Scroll to the bottom of the new page to the signature box. Make sure your picture is uploaded to a server like Shutterfly. Right click on the image and get the properties. Take that address and make it a tiny url at Tiny URL. Put the tinyurl into <*img src="tinyurlhere"> and remove the *. To add text, just start typing outside of the image tag. Please don’t open a font tag if you don’t know how to close it.

How do I link my bio in my signature?
Answer: Use Tiny URL to make the URL for your bio small. Use <*a href*="http://tinyurlhere" target="_blank">My Bio<*/a> and remove the *.

How do I use font tags in my signature?
Answer: Remove the *. <*b>Bold<*/b> <*i>Italics<*/i> <*u>Underline<*/u>
When you type the opening tag, type the closing tag immediately after, then go back and put your text between them. This will help keep you from opening a font tag and forgetting to close it.

My signature picture is HUGE! How do I make it smaller?
Answer: add width="200" or height="200" inside the image tag, like: <*img src="tinyurlhere" width="200"> Choose the largest one, either height or width and make that the 200. Remember to remove the * from the tag.

How do I use tags within the post?
Answer: Remove the * [*b]Bold[*/b] [*i]Italics[*/i] [*u]Underline[*/u]

When I post a URL, it messes up the text/posts after it. How do I stop it from doing that?
Answer: After you paste the link, unbold it, then hit the enter key twice.

What's the website with the list of bios?
Answer: magnificentbliss.com

How do I built a bio?
Answer: The easiest way is through STL Wed Bio Help. You must still have all images uploaded to a photo sharing service, but the directions on STL are very easy to follow.

How do I change my Knot name?
Answer: You have to create a new account. If you want to keep your current email address as your primary, you will need to create a second email and change your current Knot account to the second email. Once you do that, you can create a new Knot account with your primary email address. DO NOT try it any other way. The Knot will not accept two accounts with one address.

What do all the abbreviations mean?
Answer: On any message board page (other than a bio), click the ? icon. The listing of common abbreviations is at the end.

When will I get a blue ball under my name? How is that figured? How many posts do I need?
Answer: The balls indicate your ranking. The number of posts can change hourly, because it’s based on the top 500 posters and your ranking according to them. It's not a set number of posts. The number goes up as the top 500 posters continue posting.

What is a “beebee”?
Answer: beebee is a state of being
From: Chad_n_Jared
Date: 2/14/2006 at 9:56 PM

It's not about age, although the 19yo Princess Brides get old really fast.

It's not about job or student status.

It's not about money, planning time or formality.

It's not even about attitude, but a bad one will get you ignored very fast.

It's about maturity. Most people are shocked as hell when they find out my age. Why? Because I act like an adult instead of a brat. If you act like a "mememe" brat, you're going to get called a beebee. If you make princess decisions, you're going to get called a beebee. If every comment you make is focused on "your day", you're going to get called a beebee. If you're worried more about favors than your marriage that's FOREVER, you're going to be called a beebee. Why? Because you are.

Long-time Knotties tend to call them like we see them and we've seen A LOT of them to peg a beebee in a single post. Yep, just one. If you don't like it, grow up.

How do I put someone on ignore?
Answer: Type their exact user name into the Search bar at the bottom of the screen. Choose “Knottie/Nestie Bio” and click Go. When the search results page comes up, look to the right. There will be a checkmark. Click that checkmark to ignore the user. Click the area again to take user off ignore.

What's that strange smell coming from my belly button?
Answer: Chipmunk feces. Take a bath and brush your tooth.

Where did you get all this info? Are you a planner?
Answer: I’m not a planner, I’m just organized. For our own wedding, I spent a lot of time reading books about wedding planning. I also spent a lot of time reading posts about what brides say did and didn’t work for their own weddings. I added my own knowledge about stationery and info from Crane’s. This bio is a conglomeration of all of those books, my personal experience, and thousands of posts from hundreds of real-world brides.

Are Save The Dates necessary?
Answer: Only you know your guest list, but they can’t hurt. STDs provide information months in advance of the wedding invitations, so guests can plan their lives and include your wedding. They are not always necessary, but they are generally helpful to everyone, even locals. If they need to plan for time off work, make babysitting arrangements or financial arrangements, they’ll appreciate the extra time.

When do I mail the STDs?
Answer: 10 months from the wedding date is a good time but not before you have:
names
type of event
date of event
time of event
venues (full addresses of both venues and map)
airport info
hotel info (full addresses, reservation number, block details)
childcare arrangements (if you’re saying “no kids”, give parents an alternative)
special instructions (low heels for beach wedding, transportation—see below etc.)
transportation (optional for some weddings, but required for others)

You're probably asking why you need all these things? Well, these things need to be planned before you start inviting people. Anyone who gets an STD must get a wedding invitation. So you must know your budget and venue sizes. Once you know them, book them, then, it starts becoming sensible to send STDs. It’s still not sensible at more than 10-12 months out, so you long-timer engaged cool just your jets until then. Another reason: it's a waste of money to send STDs and not include these things. You should get every penny's worth of that postage! Once you try to include airport, hotel, transportation, etc. info in invitations, it starts getting very expensive very fast since each topic requires a separate insert. Start planning your stationery now, before you send STDs and you'll save yourself some headaches down the road.

Brides often choose to include a website and refer guests to it instead of printing the information. It may seem like a good idea, but it has serious shortfalls. Not everyone has Internet access and not everyone is inclined to wade through gobs of useless info, factoids and pics to find a single map on your website. “If they cared, they would.” Well, if you really cared, you wouldn’t ask them to do it in the first place! If it’s important enough for guests to know, it’s important enough to print.

If the purpose of STDs is to help your guests plan, then give them the info. ALL of it.

What format did you use on your STDs?
Answer: We had a traditional type card (mockup towards the top) and the rest of the info neatly bulleted on the backing card. Here's an example. Short and sweet. Bullets are easiest.

Venues
Ceremony Venue Name
Full Address

Reception Venue Name
Full Address

Accommodations
Please reserve your room
by the x of Ymonth
Hotel #1 - Nightly Rate
reservations number
Full Address

Hotel #2 - Nightly Rate
reservations number
Full address

Mention Smith-Jones Wedding

Transportation
Transport between hotels and ceremony/reception provided. Two shuttles each hour on the quarter hour. Please see the front desk.

Airports
Orlando International
Closest to Hotels

Orlando-Sanford Airport
Closest to Venues

Rental Cars
Available at airport counter. Please mention Smith-Jones Wedding for discount.

Childcare
On-site childcare will be provided for children 12 years of age and younger. Hotel #1 also has in-house childcare services.

You get the idea. Very simple, just the facts.

If you did not or could not include the above information in your STDs and you must include it as invitation inserts, the format above is fine. Remember, each piece of information gets its own insert.

Do I address my Save The Dates informally (Mary and Joe Smith) or formally (Mr. and Mrs. Joseph Smith)?
Answer: It's a good idea to address them exactly how you will the invitations. Not only does this give your list a test run (addresses, questionable titles) but gives you a real life idea of how long it'll take to address the wedding invitations.

I thought Save The Dates are informal? Why would I address them formally?
Answer: STDs should match the formality of your wedding. It’s the very first thing guests see regarding your wedding and they’ll draw their initial impression from it. Sure, you can do informal STDs if you want, but you’ve indicated your wedding is informal. If you later send formal invitations, you’ve sent some serious mixed messages and that’s rarely a good thing.

Do I address STDs with “and guest” or wait until the invitation?
Answer: If that guest needs to travel and if that random guest is truly a random guest, yes. If it's a significant other, find out the name and include the name. Otherwise, the guest’s guest can wait until the invitation.



Below is the textual representation of how to figure your Response, Mailing and Ordering dates. If you’d like a spreadsheet that will figure your dates automatically, email me at -- two guys in love at gmail dot com -- and request the RMO Spreadsheet.

When do I mail invitations? What is my R.S.V.P. DATE?
Answer: Too much time is better than too little. Here's the formula since each wedding is different...
1. First, figure your response date. What is the first date you need a final count? Some caterers/bakers need a week, but you may need one much earlier for favors, chair covers or any other need that requires a specific number of guests attending.
2. Back up 7-10 days. This is your r.s.v.p. (respond by) date. If you're doing A/B list, this is your B list response date. To find your A list response date, find your mailing dates below then back up about 5 days before your B list mailing date. This is your A list response date.
3. To find your mailing date, choose one of the options:
NO A/B list
-If you DID save the dates, back up 4 weeks (6 weeks for international)
-If you DID NOT do save the dates, back up 6 weeks (10 weeks international)
YES A/B list
-If you DID save the dates, back up 4 weeks, this is your B list date. Back up an additional 4 weeks, this is your A list date.
-If you DID NOT do save the dates, back up 6 weeks, this is your B list date. Back up an additional 4 weeks, this is your A list date.

When do I order invitations?
Answer: First, use the formula above to figure your response and mailing dates.
1. Decide which company you want to use and ask them what their normal delivery time is. Double that and back up to that date.
2. Figure 1 day for every 10 invitations to address. Back up to that date. This is the very last date you should order. It probably wouldn't hurt to order anytime in the month before the last date.

How can I save money on invitations?
Answer: There are 5 points that stationers don’t want you to know, because it makes them money.

1. Except in rare circumstances, you don't need a reception card. The reception info goes under the ceremony info on the invitation.
2. Unless guests need to choose a meal or you plan to do A/B list, you don't need a response card. The response request goes under the reception info on the invitation.
3. You do not need lined envelopes.
4. Inner envelopes are nice, but not necessary unless you’re having a very formal wedding. They are helpful if you have a lot of children invited.
5. If you included maps/directions, hotel and transportation info in your STDs (where it belongs), you don't need to include it again in the invitations.

Those 5 things might just save you a few hundred dollars. Remember, inserts aren’t needed if you plan your stationery properly. That means BEFORE you send STDs. Even if you don’t, you can still cut down the cost by cutting unnecessary inserts. Packing invitations with all of this stuff makes them more expensive. Do you have money to burn?

Here are a list of common mistakes made on invitations. Remember, invitation format is very specific in most cases. Don’t monkey around with it or you can change the meaning and not realize it.

--keep poems and such at the top to 2 lines, add this last, not first
--hosts are listed at the top, not financiers (explained further down)
--don’t connect host name lines with “and”
--don’t capitalize the front of every line, just proper names
--“honour of your presence” for Church weddings, “pleasure of your company” for all others
--add middle names of couple, even if only one has a middle
--do not separate the couple’s names with any others (daughter of [parents])
--“on” unnecessary in date line
--add day, add comma after day
--“and” unnecessary in year line… two thousand seven
--“at” unnecessary in time line
--“half after four o’clock” not “half past” (explained further down)
--spell out all words, Cities, States
--“Reception to follow” is usually the best reception line
--add reception time
--reception venue
--city, state (if different than ceremony)
--add response request if guests don’t need to choose a meal or if you’re not doing A/B list (explained further down)
--no dress code listing (explained further down)

Please let someone tweak your wording to check spelling, wordiness, capitals and punctuation before ordering/printing. Many of the examples online are incorrect! You can always page me or even email me.

If you would like help with your invitation wording, you can email me at
TWO GUYS IN LOVE AT GMAIL DOT COM. Email is preferred.

Please copy and answer the blue questions, then either email or page me on Ceremony Ideas or Making It Personal with them in the body of your message. I can generate your wording in minutes, but I need the answers to these questions. Please do not skip questions, because you think the answers aren’t important. If it’s asked, it’s important. Optional questions are marked optional.

If doing this on the message boards, NO last names! Let’s practice good internet safety!

1. Hosts names? (Remember, hosting and paying are NOT the same thing, see the PSA at the top of my bio.)
2. Preferred format of host names? (choose "Mr. and Mrs. His Name" or "Her and His Name")
3. Is the wedding in a Church or on consecrated ground?
4. Are you having a Nuptial Mass? Do you want the Mass mentioned?
5. Are you a non-Christian religion? Which one?
6. Relationship of hosts to you? To groom?
7. If groom’s parents are not hosting, do you want to list them as “son of ….”?
8. Groom’s parents’ names?
9. Day, Date, Year and Time
10. Ceremony Venue Name (optional for internet safety)
11. Ceremony City, State
12. Is the reception in the same place?
13. If not, Reception Venue Name (optional)
14. What type of reception are you having? (Dessert, Lunch, Hors d’oeuvres, Dinner)
15. Reception City, State
16. Will the reception happen within an hour of the end of the ceremony? If no, time?
17. Do you need guests to choose a meal? (if the answer is no, skip 18 and 19)
18. Are you inviting children?
19. Is there a child's meal choice?
20. Are you doing A/B list?


I don’t need a Response Card? But I need a head count even though guests don’t need to choose a meal.
Answer: You only need one if your guests need to choose a meal ahead of time or if you’re doing A/B list. Otherwise, you can put your response request on the bottom of the invitation. It's the guest's job to respond and most will step up and do it. Those that won't do it at all, won't do it with a card or with a call. No method is 100% because you're dealing with humans who do human things, like procrastinate and forget. Brides are always looking for that foolproof method so easy that every guest will use it. Doesn't exist.

We didn't include a response card, we just put the response request “R.S.V.P. by the x of Ymonth” on the invitation. We received cards, letters, flowers, gift baskets, emails, phone calls and 1 singing telegram as responses. It was great. It cost us nothing and guests responded in a way that reflected their personality. It's logical that getting someone to do something their way will be easier than trying to get them to do it my way. Since we only had to call a whopping 3 people of 150, I'm inclined to think that logic is sound.

I need guests to choose a meal. What’s the wording for my response card?
Answer: Just change the “meal choice #” to your available choices.

R.S.V.P. by the x of Ymonth

M________________________

___ accepts ___ declines

___ meal choice 1
___ meal choice 2

If you need to know exactly who gets which meal, you'll need to include one card for each person invited and you write in the name.

If you don't need meal choices but still want to use a response card, just delete the meal choice lines and the card is still correct.

I’m doing A/B list. How do I word my response cards?
Answer: Two printings with two dates is preferable, but that’s not always financially possible. If not, use this wording…

R.S.V.P. by the

---x of Ymonth---

M________________________

___ accepts ___ declines

___ meal choice 1
___ meal choice 2

The ---x of Ymonth--- part is for a line where you’ll handwrite the response date. You can have the stationer print the “of” or handwrite it yourself. Your choice.

I’d like guests to request a song for the reception. Where do I do that?
Answer: You can do it as a line on the response card, although a song request is no reason to use a response card if you don’t need one. If you do, you can use:

R.S.V.P. by the x of Ymonth

M_________________________

___ accepts ___ declines

___ meal choice 1
___ meal choice 2

Song request: __________________

I need to list meal choices. Do I just put “chicken” and “fish”?
Answer: Please use good meal descriptions, especially of sauces.

Why is it “accepts” and “declines” instead of “will attend/will not attend”?
Answer: First, realize you’re asking them what they intend to do about the invitation, not what they intend to do about the wedding. They can either accept or decline the invitation. "Accepts/Declines" is correct when you understand that a formal invitation is issued in the third person, therefore it's answered in the third person. As only one person can take an action with the invitation, "accepts/declines" is correct. If you want to think about it from a sentence point of view, please note the following proper responses if I were to handwrite them instead of checking a box.

Mr. Chad Stewart Blackwell accepts the kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Charles Shandlin.

Mr. Chad Stewart Blackwell declines the kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Charles Shandlin on behalf of himself and his husband, Mr. Jared Stewart Blackwell.

Mr. Chad Stewart Blackwell accepts the kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Charles Shandlin, but declines on behalf of his husband, Mr. Jared Stewart Blackwell.

As you can see in the above examples of properly written acceptance or declination of an invitation, the actions are "accepts" and "declines". Since a response card is nothing more than a fill in the blank form of a properly written response, the actions remain "accepts" and "declines".

Response Cards/envelopes or Postcards?
Answer: Only you can answer this question. It's your money, time, wedding and reputation. In the end, most people don't give a damn either way. Half of them won't return either one.

I don’t need a Reception Card either?
If you have room, you can put all reception info on the invitation. You do not need a separate card even if the reception is in a different place.

Reception to follow
Isleworth Country Club
Orlando, Florida

That goes at the bottom of the invitation. If the reception is in the same place, just use "Reception to follow" or “and afterwards at the reception”, your choice.

I don't want to clog the invitation with hotel info, maps, etc. How do I include our wedding website address on our invitations?
Answer: Do not include the website on your invitation. Bluntly, it looks awful on a formal invitation. There's just no way to make www.anything.com look classy. Save the Dates are the perfect place for your website.

The only thing that should be in the invitation are the specifics of the hosts and specifics of the event on the invitation. Enclosures are usually NOT needed. Hotel info and maps/directions should be in the Save The Date and they won't need it again. If they do, they can call you and you can tell them on the phone. A single map card, printed both sides, isn't that much of a big deal, but they're usually not needed either. However, some brides just need to include a map in the invitation. Fine, but include the full name and address of the place and a phone number too on the map card, so people can Google, Yahoo or call the place themselves and get directions. Guests were getting to weddings long before people started including maps.

If you simply must include your website in your invitation, put it on a separate enclosure card.

Whose name goes at the top of the invitation?
Answer: Hosts are listed, not financiers. Hosts are the people who make sure the guests are cared for. Financiers pay for some of the wedding. Bluntly, it’s no one’s business who paid for what and honestly, no one really cares.

However, if by mutual agreement you choose to deviate, that’s absolutely fine. Just remember it’s usually not worth it, since an invitation is a piece of paper for a single day. You have to be family with these people for the rest of your life.

Both sets of parents are divorced. Mine are remarried and my step-Dad raised me, but now my Mom is married to another guy and...
Answer: I have a migraine and I stopped listening after "but". Use "Together with their parents..." and save everyone the headache. Your invitation will look like a law firm letterhead otherwise.

Who’s name goes first? Bride’s parents or groom’s parents?
Answer: Bride’s parents (or the younger person in a same sex relationship) and then Groom’s parents (or older person). If the parents are divorced…
Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Mother
Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Father
Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Mother
Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Father

Do NOT connect their names with "and". In stationery speak, "and" means "married". If you connect the parents’ names with "and", you’ve just indicated they’re all married to each other and you and your fi are brother and sister. Umm yeah.

I want to list our parents, but we’re hosting our own wedding. What wording do I use?
Answer: You can use the same wording we did. Click this link to see a mockup of our wording. We used this wording even though it was incorrect for our situation. My Dad hosted the wedding, but we liked this wording and he was ok with us breaking the rules. So we did.

We want to use “daughter of” as well as “son of”, is this acceptable?
Answer: Unfortunately, this is one of the hard, fast rules of invitation format. No other names shall separate the couples. If you’d like to list parents without listing them as hosts, use a courtesy listing.

How do I word the invitation to tell people we're paying for beer/wine but they have to pay for liquor? I'm looking for something classier than "cash bar".
Answer: You don't. There's no tactful way to say "We're hosting a party above our means, so you have to bring money to foot the bill." No matter what wording you use, the meaning is the same.

I can’t afford an open bar, is it ok if I have just beer and wine? Is a dry wedding ok?
Answer: Absolutely. Offer what you can afford. If someone needs alcohol to have a good time, they’re alcoholics. Guests should never expect alcohol at a wedding. If they’re disappointed, it’s their own fault.

When does evening start?
Answer: 6pm.
Morning = midnight to 11:45am
Noon = 12:00pm
Afternoon = 12:15pm to 5:45pm
Evening = 6pm to 11:45pm

And if you’re asking to know when to put the "X o'clock in the morning/afternoon/evening" line, you only need that if your wedding is at an odd time (like 11pm or 7am) or at the questionable times of 8 and 9. Otherwise, it’s just wordiness. Think to yourself, “would someone reasonably have a wedding at the opposite time, (am or pm)?” If the answer is “no”, then the phrase is unnecessary.

How do I write the time?
Answer: Time format is very specific, but very simple. Below is a sample listing, including noon and midnight. Just substitute your time of day for “twelve” and your time format will be correct. If your event is 8 or 9, use the “in the XXX” phrase above. Otherwise, it doesn’t matter if it’s AM or PM.

12:00p - twelve o’clock
12:15p – one quarter after twelve o’clock
12:30p – half after twelve o’clock
12:45p – three quarters after twelve o’clock
12:00a – twelve o’clock midnight

Why is it “after” instead of “past” on the half hour?
Answer: Traditionally, “past” is for funerals and wakes because it’s close to “passed” as in “passed away”. In the past, parents who were unhappy about the wedding would use “past” to indicate they wouldn’t accept the man as their son-in-law and their daughter would be dead to them once she married him.

Escort, Table or Place Card?
Escort - Has the woman's name on the outside and her escort's name on the inside. Usually used to match singles.
Table - Tells a person/couple/family to "go to this table". Put outside of the main room.
Place - Tells a person to "sit in this seat". Put at the place setting.

If you really mean a place card, then they're one name per card. If you mean a table card, you can address them the same way you addressed the inner envelope. Never ever use "and guest". You'll need to call and get the guest's name. However, this is the only place where it’s appropriate to use “and family” as in “Mr. and Mrs. Todd Smith and Family”.

Am I required to invite...
... the Spouse? Yes, even if you don't like the spouse. A married couple is all or nothing.
... a Step-Parent? Yes, it's family and a spouse.
... a young sibling of the bride/groom? Yes, it's family.
... a gay friend's partner? Yes, they're a couple too.
... the minister? Yes, and their spouse too.

My Aunt/friends have an adult child living with them. Can I put them all on one invitation?
Answer: Adults 18 years of age and older receive their own invitation unless they're romantically involved with someone else in the home.

Should I send an invitation to the vendors?
Answer: Definitely mail one to the minister (and spouse). The other vendors might like one to add to their portfolio, but you can hand them the invitation at your next visit.

Do plan to feed any vendor who’ll be there for more than 4 hours. Photo, Video, DJ/Band, Hired (not a site) Coordinator and their assistants. If someone is passed out from low blood sugar, they aren’t working on your wedding. Check your contract to see if you need to feed them a guest meal or a less expensive vendor meal.

How do I not invite kids? What wording do I use on the invitation/reception card?
Answer: Just don't put their names on the envelope. There’s no polite way to say this on the invitation itself. By printing it, you’re saying to each of your guests, “I think you’re too stupid to read and understand what it means.” Just list the names of those invited. If their parents respond with the children, call – or have someone else call – them and tell them no. However, give parents with infants a break and either make an exception or hire a sitter. Even a sitter won't work for newborns, so be prepared to deal gently with that section of guests.

How do I check to see if a mailing address is valid?
Answer: USPS +4 Zip Finder It will give you the +4 zip, but also check to see if that's a valid address or not. That doesn’t mean it’s correct for the person, but it’s at least an address the USPS recognizes as real.

I want to use black/brown/dark colored envelopes. Can I?
Answer:You can, but the USPS can refuse to take them if the black or red inks they use won’t show. If they do take them, they’re likely to slap labels on it. Now if your theme is “labels”, you’re all set. If not, use a white/ivory/pale colored outer envelope and a darker inner. You can use a white gel pen found at most craft stores to write on the darker envelope.

What size is a postcard? What weight is it?
Answer: The easiest way to get a postcard is to cut a standard 8.5x11 piece of paper into quarters. Use 63# paper or heavier.

What is hand cancelling?
Answer: This is where the USPS uses a hand stamp to cancel (red ink) the stamp. Unless your invitations have a ribbon or other bulk, it’s not helpful. Even then, hand cancelling doesn’t stop your invitations from going through machines, just 1 machine, the cancelling machine. They’ll still go through sorting machines at every stop between you and the end point. In other words, it’s a waste of time, but if it makes you feel better, sure.

I'm mailing some invitations to other countries. What do I do about postage? Response card postage?
Answer: Take the international invitations to the PO and deal with them in person. Countries have various mailing regulations and prices for incoming mail. For the response card return postage, you should purchase International Reply Coupons (IRC) and enclose one in the invitation. This will pay for their country's postage, whatever that may be. IRC are good in all countries that are part of the Universal Postal Union (UPU) and most countries are members. In the USPS Postal Code, the IRC information is Section 372 and the UPU listing can be found under the Index of Countries and Localities.

I have bad handwriting. I have a lot of invitations. I hate handwriting anything. Can I use labels?
Answer: No labels. Handwritten is the best. Bad handwriting is better than labels. Yes, you can print directly on the envelope if you simply MUST use a computer, but it will not take less time than writing them out.

A growing trend that even the etiquette maven in me can handle is to computer print directly onto the outer envelope and then handwrite the inner. After all, the outer envelope is the delivery envelope and the inner is the invitation envelope. It's an acceptable compromise, but labels are not.

A gay couple is on our guest list. How do I address the invitation and table/place cards?
Answer: Just like any other couple. If you're unsure, ask them. The older person is listed first unless they've said differently. See Addressing Titles and Addressing Order for more on gay couples.

Can I just write "and Family"?
Answer: You can write "and Family" but you can't bitch if they respond with 20 people. You did say "and family". Use their names. Put them on the inner envelope. If there’s no inner envelope, include small handwritten card "You're welcome to bring [child's name]. Please respond with total number attending."

Some of my guests are single. Do I need to invite them with a guest?
Answer: It's nice, but not necessary. Consult your budget.

Can I use “and guest” on the invitation and get their name later?
Answer: The phrase “and guest” is acceptable in only 1 situation: a guest is allowed to bring any random person, a friend, a random date, literally anyone in their life, then you can “and guest” their invitation. It’s best to avoid the “and guest” phrasing if possible. Include a small handwritten card “You’re welcome to bring a guest. Please respond with their name.” If you mail an invitation “and guest” they’ll respond “and guest” and you’ll still be stuck calling for a name. You might as well get it done in one step.

If the guest is in any kind of relationship, you need to call them and get their significant other’s name.

I invited someone "and guest" and they're not bringing the person I thought they would. They're just bringing a friend. How do I tell them they can't bring just anyone?
Answer: If you invited them "and guest" and didn't specify the guest's name, you don't say a thing. You blew off doing the legwork and finding out their guest's name in favor of being lazy and probably whining it was "too much work". Well, you reap what you sow, now shut up about it.

Guests responded with someone not invited. What do I do?
Answer: Call them and nicely tell them your guest list won't accommodate additional guests. Don't take no for an answer.

I hear guests sometimes add people. I want to write “# seats are reserved for you” on the response card so they’ll know not to add guests.
Answer: Saying "# seats have been reserved for you" can backfire. It may stop them from adding and maybe not. If someone wants to add Guest B because Guest A can't attend, you can't say you don't have space. You've just told them you do have space and it's reserved for their use. You've just taken away the easiest way to stop add-on guests that are complete strangers. Just list the names of those invited on the inner envelope and deal with any add-ons if they happen.

Are inner envelopes necessary?
Answer: Inner envelopes are only required for the most formal weddings, but they can be useful if you have a lot of children invited or singles. Sometimes, some addresses can't accommodate 2 lines of names. That makes inner envelopes your best friend.

Can I just leave the inner envelope blank instead of writing names? They’re already on the outer envelope.
Answer: Do NOT leave it blank. The outer envelope is the delivery envelope. The inner envelope is the invitation envelope. A blank inner envelope is considered a blanket invitation meaning they can invite whoever they want as many people as they want. People have names for a reason. Please use them.

I have double envelopes. I know I’m supposed to use “Mr. and Mrs.” on the outer, but can I just use “Jane and John” on the inner?
Answer: If your wedding is formal, you use formal address on all pieces of stationery. Inner and outer envelopes, cards, STDs, the whole thing. Consistency is important.

Remember the inner envelope is the actual invitation envelope. By addressing it informally, you give the impression your wedding is informal and people will act and dress accordingly. Or worse, you're sending mixed signals about the formality and mixed signals are rarely a good thing.

Do wax seals go on the inner or outer envelope?
Answer: Wax seals and stickers go on the inner envelope, which is the actual invitation envelope. The outer envelope is the delivery envelope. In years past, envelopes didn’t have glue adhesive. The wax seal closed the invitation envelope so the recipient could be assured that the delivery person or any one hadn’t tampered with it since it left the issuer’s hands. These days, true inner envelopes have no glue adhesive and that’s why.

I don’t have inner and outer envelopes, only outer. How do I address them?
Answer: You address them the same as the inner, but with the necessary address information. In some cases, like with large families, you may not be able to get the adults’ names, the children’s names and the full address on the envelope. In that case, use an enclosure card mentioned in the “and Family/and Guest” section of my bio.

Addressing Titles:
Mr. - adult males
Miss - never married female regardless of age
Mrs. - married, separated, widowed female
Master - young male, actual age varies, but usually under 18
Ms. - supposedly a no-no but makes sense for separated and divorced females and married ones who kept their maiden name
Widows - Mrs. His Full Name
Mmes. - Mesdames, married same sex female couple with same last name
Mssrs. - Messieurs, married same sex male couple with same last name
Doctor – technically MDs only, but it’s common for most doctoral degrees, just don’t use the actual degree title (Ph.D, Ed.D)

When in doubt, ask! If you know someone has a preference, their preference trumps the guidelines above.

I am an attorney/Fi is an attorney. Do I use "esquire"?
Answer: Esquire is a business term and is never used on social stationery.

I think "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe" is sexist. Is "Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe" acceptable?
Answer: No. First, a man's first and last names are never separated. Second, it just looks ridiculous and usually won't fit well on the line. However, you can use "Jane and John Doe" even if the wedding is formal. Dropping the titles is now considered acceptable for formal weddings in the interest of giving women equal billing.

Addressing Order:
Children: oldest to youngest, individually or as a group address
Unmarried living together: ladies first
Married with diff last names: ladies first
One's a Doctor: that person first, regardless of gender
Both are Doctors: Use “The Doctors Doe” on inner and outer
One's a Reverend: that person first, regardless of gender
One's Military: that person first, regardless of gender
Both Military: higher rank first, regardless of gender
One's a Judge/Justice: that person first, regardless of gender
Gay couple: oldest first unless they've stated differently

Why are only MDs properly listed as Doctor? Answer: Current etiquette for titles originally came about just after the French Revolution (1798) because the monarchy collapsed and the previous titling system died. The only Doctors that existed at that time were Medical Doctors. There were no PhDs until the mid-1800s and the first were from Friedrich Wilhelm University (Berlin, Germany) where the concept originated. PhDs arrived in the US at Yale in 1861. This part of stationery etiquette is old. Most etiquette still stands centuries later because it works. Some doesn't and those rules have changed. So far, this particular rule hasn't "officially" changed, although it's working that way because the generally accepted rule is "Address all as Doctor, but leave off the actual degree (PhD, EdD, etc)”. So it's moving that way.

What's the address to send an invitation to the President? The Pope? The Queen of England? Minnie and Mickey Mouse?
Answer:
The President and Mrs. George Walker Bush
The White House
Greetings Office, Room 39
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, District of Columbia 20502

The Secretary to Her Majesty
Queen Elizabeth II of England
Buckingham Palace
London, England
SW1A 1AA

Pope Benedictus XVI
Prefettura della Casa Pontifica
00120 Citta del Vaticano, Italia

Minnie and Mickey Mouse
The Walt Disney Company
500 South Buena Vista Street
Burbank, California 91521

What order do I assemble the invitation pieces?
Answer: From bottom to top -- Invitation, reception Card (if needed), response card (if needed) tucked under the response envelope flap, everything else from largest to smallest piece.

What do I do with the tissue?
Answer: Toss the tissue, it's trash. In the old days, printers put tissue between the pieces to stop ink transfer. Somewhere along the way, brides decided it was classy to include the printer’s garbage in their invitations.

Can I invite people to the ceremony only? Dance portion of the reception only?
Answer: No and No. Both are considered rude. You can invite guests to only the reception and have a private ceremony, but not the other way around.

If the ceremony is smaller and private, how do I word the invitation?
Answer: The "large"; invitation is worded to invite everyone to the reception. Ceremony cards are included for those invited to the ceremony.

What do I do if there's no response card? If the response card is blank?
Answer: You handwrite your response using either your own stationery or the card provided.

Mr. Chad Stewart
accepts the kind invitation of
Mr. and Mrs. Charles Shandlin
for the twentieth of September

That's all there is to it. If you can't attend, change "accepts" to "declines".

There's no response date on this invitation. What do I do?
Answer: If there's no response date given, you have 3 days from the date you receive the invitation to return your response. Every invitation issued requires a response, date or no date.

Who is invited to the Rehearsal Dinner?
Answer: Anyone involved in the ceremony minus paid musicians who may be at the rehearsal. Parents, grandparents and siblings of the couple, wedding party/significant other, readers/ significant other, ushers/ significant other, parents of children in wedding party, minister/ significant other. Everyone else is optional.

Do I need to plan the Rehearsal Dinner or issue invitations?
Answer: The hosts plan and issue the invitations. If they choose, they may allow you to plan and/or issue/choose the invitations, but it’s the host’s choice.

I don’t like the type of Rehearsal Dinner my parents/in-laws have chosen to do. How do I tell them?
Answer: You don’t tell them anything. If you don’t like what they have planned, pay for it yourself. Then you have the right to dictate how it’s done.

How do I fire an attendant?
Answer: First, decide if you're being a bitch. If you are, you can't fire her. Just slap yourself. Please refer to the top of this bio and read the PSA: Should I Fire My Bridesmaid? (courtesy of PretzelLogic).

How do I tell FI he can't have his best friend -- who I hate -- as a groomsman?
Answer: You don't. They're not your attendants. You also don't get to tell them what to wear if your fiance's choices are appropriately formal for the wedding.

Do we pay for attendant clothes, travel or hotel rooms?
Answer: Nice, but not necessary. If you want them to have the same hairstyle, jewelry or makeup, you pay for that.

I have bridesmaids and a maid of honor. How do I distinguish the difference between them?
Answer: The short answer is.... no one cares. The longer answer is...

First, with the MOH, people will know who she is based on where she stands. Second, honestly, most of your guests really won't care who the MOH is vs. the BMs. It's something brides stress over, but it's something most people simply don't pay that much attention too. You can do something like give them different bouquets. If you are doing programs, list them by their titles. Everyone will get that!

Maid or Matron of Honor?
Answer: I'll give you the technical answer, but for wedding party members going through relationship problems weddings can be a tough time. Consult your friend and get his/her feelings on the matter.
Maid - never married regardless of age
Matron - married, widowed, separated, divorced

What is a Junior Bridesmaid/Groomsman? What is the age limit?
Answer: The entire Junior thing is ridiculous. It only gives a child a reason to want to grow up too fast. No adult in their right mind thinks your underage attendant is buying you whiskey sours or penis cakes so that means the title must be for the child's benefit.

Some will say that it’s the money that separates them, but that’s inaccurate as well. If the bride chooses to buy the BM dresses, does that make the BMs junior BMs? No. What about parties? Well, parties are optional. And any parent that agrees for their child to participate should also anticipate a financial outlay for parties. So that doesn’t fly either. Plainly, there’s no reason to have a “junior”.

Now, being an adult, I’m sure you can bullshit the child into thinking it’s very special to be a Junior, but that doesn’t mean the kid really likes it. It just means you’ve used your knowledge and abilities as an adult to manipulate a child. Way to go! You must be sooooo proud of yourself. [/sarcasm] Seriously, examine your conscience on that one and examine it for WHY having a listing for a Junior is so important to you. It’s usually because you’re an Attention Whore and can’t admit it. After all, “2 MOH, 4 BMs, 2 Juniors” looks more impressive than “8 bridesmaids”. Call them a bridesmaid/groomsman and make their day. It certainly won't change your wedding in the slightest.

My gown is ivory/candlelight/cream. Should my groom wear an ivory shirt?
Answer: No. An ivory gown has yards of fabric to reflect the true color, so it looks ivory. All that's seen of his shirt are the cuffs, collar and front, the places that normally get dirty, so ivory looks dingy. Two shades of ivory together can look completely awful if they're the wrong shades. When you rent a shirt, you have no control over the dye lots, so the shirt that looked great in the shop may not be the shade you get. Additionally, ivory shirts look dull in photos where white shirts look crisp. White shirts please.

How do I tell my guests I want them to dress a certain way?
Answer: There is no polite way to tell people how to dress. You can print whatever you want, but people are adults and they'll wear what they please. Most understand that weddings are dress up events. If they don't understand that now, NOTHING you print will get through to them. You can spread it word of mouth, but in the end, people will still show up wearing what they want no matter what you print.

This is one of those points brides just don't seem to get. You cannot dictate what people wear and suggesting is just a waste of time and usually comes across as rude and overbearing.

How can I tell my Mother/MIL/Aunt she can't wear that dress?
Answer: You don't. It's none of your business what she wears. Go worry about something else.

Do the bridesmaids/groomsmen's shoes/dresses/tuxes/ties have to match?
Answer: No, they're not robots, they're people.

How do I figure out what to put my fiance and his groomsmen in? Isn't there a traditional way to dress them?
Answer: Traditionally, people dressed themselves and they'll do it this time. These are his attendants, so he makes the final choices. You can have input, but you don't put anyone in anything, especially your fiance and his attendants. By the way, this applies to the Dads too. They were dressing themselves a long time without your input and they can do it again. You really do need some therapy over this control issue you have.

I want tea length dresses. How far from the knee is it hemmed?
Answer: Skirts are hemmed to a particular place on the person and not a certain number of inches. The following are the generally accepted places for skirt hems:
Mini - above the knee cap
Knee - middle of the knee cap
Street - top of the calf rounding
Calf - middle of the calf rounding
Tea - bottom of the calf rounding
Ballerina - just above outside ankle bone
Floor - 1" from the floor with shoes

Before deciding, try reading the PSA at the top of my bio – PSA: Wedding Party members are people too.

Should I ship a wedding gift to the couple's home or take it to the wedding?
Answer: Taking gifts to the reception is a HUGE mistake. It's inconvenient and gifts can get lost, stolen or broken. At least with shipping, there's a tracking number and insurance. There's none at a reception. If you'd like to ensure your own wedding gifts are shipped, have the store put a "Ship Only" requirement/note on your registry.

We don't need anything. How do I get cash instead of gifts?
Answer: If you just want cash, become a hooker. You can't tell people what to give. Register at a couple of places because some people just don't give cash.

Can I put registry cards in the invitation? In the Save The Dates?
Answer: You can, but we reserve the right to call you tacky and classless. No, you shouldn't put them in the wedding invitation or any wedding-related mailings. It's like saying, "Come celebrate with us and bring us a gift." They're a little more accepted in shower invitations, but still technically a no-no.

How will people know where we're registered?
Answer: If they want to know, they'll ask. People are smart like that.

What should I get parents/attendants as a gift?
Answer: I don't know. You know them, not me. Seriously, choose gifts that reflect that person’s personality. If that person is practical, then choose practical. If they’re whimsical, choose whimsical. You can get them a cutting board and knife. If they really want a cutting board and a knife, that’ll be the best gift ever. Cookie cutter gifts are out. They’re the lazy way out. The best part is you only have to buy gifts for your own attendants. Your fi’s attendants are his/her problem.

Can I use engagement/shower/wedding gifts before the wedding?
Answer: No. These gifts are to celebrate your wedding. If your wedding doesn’t happen for whatever reason, all gifts must be returned unused. Yes, you may have opened it, but it should be unused. The gift is to celebrate an event that hasn’t happened. Until the event happens, it’s not yours. It’s not easy to look at the gifts, but they don’t belong to you until you say “I do”. So, if you want to use it, go ahead, but be prepared to buy a brand new one to replace it if something happens.

I know you don't like to think the wedding won't happen, no one does. But there are plenty of "wedding called off" posts on the Knot all the time. I bet none of those thought it would happen to them either.

How long do I have to send a Thank You note?
Answer: No more than 3 weeks after you receive the gift and even that is stretching it. For gifts received at the wedding or during the honeymoon, you have 3 weeks from the date you return. 2 months to send a thank you note is a crock of horse shit. Writing a thank you note takes 5 minutes. If you can't find 5 minutes in 3 weeks, you suck. Guests have up to 1 year to give a wedding gift but most do it within 3 months.

We received a wedding gift before the wedding. When do I send a Thank You note?
Answer: Open now, send thank you now, don't use until after the wedding. If the gift is a food item, do your best to estimate the amount of the gift and notate it. Use the food gift but keep track of the estimate.

We received a check. Do we cash it now?
Answer: Cash now, send the thank you note now, don’t use until after the wedding. If the wedding doesn’t happen, the money has to be returned, so keep a list of who gave how much.

Do I really have to write thank you notes for gifts? Separate thank you notes for shower and wedding gifts?
Answer: Yes, now stop being lazy. Seriously, get off your duff and order your fi some stationery of his own. Foldover notes are women's stationery. Historically, if a man wrote on a foldover note, he was telling everyone he was gay. Well, back then he couldn’t wear a “Taste the Rainbow” t-shirt, so he used women’s stationery. Men use correspondence cards (even some of us gay men). Try Reaves Engraving and look for "correspondence cards". Quality stationery will last for years. It's a subtle but not-so-subtle way to say "this is a 50/50 deal". If he's gonna get benefit from the gifts, he can write notes too. He can use the stationery later on. It's one of those thoughtful gifts that he won't realize he needs until he needs it. Everything wedding is so female oriented, it's no wonder guys don't want any part of it.

And please force your kids... girls AND boys... to write thank you notes. If they learn when they're kids, they have no excuse when they're adults and it becomes a natural thing to do like cleaning behind ears.

We’re doing thank you notes with a wedding picture. Can I wait until after the wedding to send all thank you notes?
Answer: Absolutely not. Pictures are no excuse to wait to send them. Thank you notes must be sent immediately when receiving a gift. Buy some nice stationery and send them.

I have a destination wedding. How do I get my dress on the plane?
Answer: First, you have to bend the wings slightly to get them through the neck of the dress.... Uh you pack it in a bag and carry it on. Buy a steamer and take it with you. Remove the dress from the bag and steam the wrinkles out.

Where do I have my destination wedding?
Answer: The bathroom of Shea Stadium. How the hell do we know? Do some internet research and read posts on the Destination Weddings board.

What will the weather be like in (insert location) in (insert month)?
Answer: You're kidding right? Do we look like meteorologists?

What are the requirements for marriage in (insert location)?
Answer: We aren't the clerk of courts either. Do your own research. Google and telephones are marvelous inventions.

How do I deal with my family not wanting the DW?
Answer: It's not their wedding. If they don't like it, they won't show up. Their loss.

Is a DW cheaper than a traditional wedding?
Answer: If the destination is your local clerk of courts, then yes. Otherwise, we don't know. Back to that "do your own research" thing.

How do I find out more about Destination Weddings?
Answer: Visit the Destination Weddings Board. Those ladies are pros at this.

I need help with my wedding speech.
Answer: If you can't think of something nice to say about your friends and family, then just shut up.

Who gives toasts?
Answer: Anyone who wants to. Toasts are verbal gifts. You can’t demand gifts. If someone offers, accept. It’s fine to ask if someone plans to give one. If they say yes, add it to the schedule. If they say no, then don’t worry about it.

How much did you pay for... I'm looking for a local...
Answer: Go ask on your local board.

Should I have video, limos, sculptures or fountains, band or DJ...?
Answer: How the hell do we know? If you want it and can afford it, do it.

Should I have tables/chairs for every guest?
Answer: Have a chair for every butt. No one wants to stand for hours on end. Your wedding isn't that important.

What do I put in my OOT bags?
Answer: Condoms, dog biscuits, a spatula and 4 gummi worms. Duh

What do I put in my bathroom baskets?
Answer: More condoms, an extension cord, a piece of cake and a pencil. Double duh.

What do I put in my Day Of Bridal Kit?
Answer: Only you know your specific needs, but below is a list of some general items.

Marriage License
Advil and Tylenol (some may be allergic to one)
other personal medications
Shout pen
safety pins
hairspray
brush and comb
bobbypins and ponytail holders
hairdryer
needle and thread to match all items used by anyone
clear nail polish
nail file and polish in the bride's shade
makeup and remover
straws (drinking and not ruining lipstick)
extra pantyhose
static-cling spray
tissues, cottonballs and Qtips
lint brush
earring backs
iron and portable steamer
eye-drops and contact lens solution
Tums
mints
feminine care items
band-Aids
mirror
Wet Ones
camera
list of vendor names and numbers
watch or clock
Day before, make sure you or whomever is in charge of catching problem calls charges their cell phone. If they have one, pack the extra charger.

Also make sure to gather all items you need the day of and put them together in a bag with a handle, hang the bag on the dress hanger. Work head to toe...

veil
extras for hairdo
makeup and remover is above, but doublecheck
earrings, necklace, bracelet, other jewelry
undergarments
stockings
shoes
dress
extras for bouquet (Bible, charms)

Do this for Fi too. Put together the bag and put it with your dress. Hang his bag on the tux hanger as soon as he gets it.

And for freak's sake, don't forget the rings!

Can someone please... critique my wedding day timeline? Tell me what time to do hair/makeup/pee if our ceremony is at X:00?
Answer: No we can't. We aren't there, we don't know your event, venues, wedding participants and/or needs. Try asking someone actually involved in YOUR wedding.

People are being difficult! It's my day and no one is cooperating.
Answer: It's not your day. It doesn't belong to you. You're supposed to be sharing this day with the people you love. If it's your day, spend it by yourself.

Is this tacky/mean/rude?
Answer: If someone did it to you, probably not. You're hormonal and/or a bridezilla. If you want to do it to either get -- or get away with -- something, it probably is. So don't do it.

Our parents won't pay for the wedding! What do we do?
Answer: Get a job and quit your bitching. Your parents don't owe you a wedding. On the flip side, if they're not contributing any money, they can't reasonably expect to have any input.

My parents won't contribute if we have a destination wedding.
Answer: Sucks to be you. Refer to the above answer.

We have more guests than our site will handle/ than we can afford. What percentage of guests invited will actually show up?
Answer: You don't know until it's over. You can guess, but you could be wrong. You can use averages but averages are only statistical guesses. If it's worth the extra stress over whether you might have guessed right or wrong, then go ahead. Otherwise, figure 100%. NEVER invite more than your site will hold/you can afford. Everyone might actually say yes.

What’s your ceremony order? Reception order?
Answer: We had an order only. We didn’t want to use a timeline so things flowed smoothly. And they did.
Ceremony order
Processional
Statement of Purpose
Question to the Families
Admonition to the Couple
Holy Scripture
Hymn
Exchange Vows
Holy Scripture
Exchange Rings
Hymn (Sign Marriage Certificate)
Presentation
Recessional

Reception order
Arrival
Receiving line
Meal seating
First course
Mine and Jared's speeches
Second course
Toasts
Third course
First dance and parent dance
Fourth course
Open dancing and mingling
Cake cutting

A few notes: This was our order. Our ceremony was 11:30 to 12:10 or so. We took pics until 12:40 and hauled ass to the reception to arrive at 1. Guests started with cocktails as soon as they got there at 12:30.

RL and meal seating happened at the same time. We stood in the entrance to the tent and greeted guests as they came through to be seated. Meal service started right about 1:30. Beyond that, I don't know about timing. We didn't worry about a time schedule, we just let things flow naturally. And they did very well. We didn't dawdle or drag things out.

Speeches, toasts and dances began before the actual meal courses ended, so it wasn't really a separate section. The bandleader paid very close attention to me, Jared and my Dad and took his cues from us. As soon as he saw the cue, he nodded and then stopped the band right after that particular song. It all flowed really well because we just let it happen.

The cake cutting happened right about 4p. Around 4:30 people started leaving but we still had guests at 6p. Dad realized we wouldn't go upstairs until all the guests were gone, so he started shooing them out at 6p. They were all gone by 6:30.

Who do I tip?
Answer: If they receive the proceeds of your contract you don't need to tip them, but you do tip assistants and wait staff. Check your contract to see if any gratuities are included and if they're given to the workers. These are based on national averages. It may be helpful to check around locally to see if these fit within the common local amounts.

--Assistants who work for less than 3 hours at your wedding: $20 each.
--Assistants who work for more than 3 hours at your wedding: $50 each.
--Wait and Bar Staff: %1 of the total food/bar bill per person
--Minister: Call the Church. If you booked an independent Officiant and are under contract, no tip is necessary.

If you’d like to help the vendor or give them a special thank you, consider writing them a letter of recommendation. Vendors use these to generate more business. They usually keep them as part of some portfolio to show prospective clients. Your tip may buy them dinner and movie, but your letter of recommendation may generate dozens more clients.

You can always tip anyone you feel really went above and beyond.

Where do I start planning?
Answer: Budget first. Always. If you need a budget breakdown, let me know. Then work up a guest list. You need mostly names and a total number, not address details and such. Then you can look at booking venues. Below is a common budget breakdown.

10% Miscellaneous
7% Bride's Apparel
3% Groom's Apparel
6% Flowers
5% Cake
6% Music
7% Invitations/Stationery/Postage
6% Photo/video
5% Gifts
5% Ceremony
40% Reception/Catering

If it doesn't fit into one of the other categories, it goes into Miscellaneous.

What’s the best Wedding Planner?
Answer: Making a wedding planning notebook is very easy. You need a 2" 3-ring binder and enough dividers to cover the areas which apply to your wedding. The tabs on the dividers should be named:

Budget
Time Table
Guest List
Ceremony Site
Reception Site
Bride's Rings
Groom's Rings
Caterer
Photo/Video
DJ/Band
Baker
Florist
Stationery
Bride's Attire
Groom's Attire
Attendant's Attire
Honeymoon
Transportation
Gifts
Engagement Party
Bridal Shower
Bachelor Party
Rehearsal Dinner

In this notebook, you'll keep everything. Don't keep original contracts, but do keep copies. Put pictures you like, lists and notes, business cards and anything else you get wedding-related. Keep it close. Remember!!! Just because there’s a tab does NOT mean you plan it, it simply means that you or fi may need to track something having to do with that particular thing.

What are the traditional anniversary gifts?
Answer: Traditional Anniversary Gifts

1 - Paper
2 - Cotton
3 - Leather
4 - Wool
5 - Wood
6 - Iron
7 - Copper
8 - Bronze
9 - Pottery
10 - Tin
11 - Silk
12 - Linen
13 - Lace
14 - Ivory
15 - Crystal
20 - China
25 - Silver
30 - Pearl
35 - Coral
40 - Ruby
45 - Sapphire
50 - Gold
55 - Emerald
60 - Diamond
75 - Platinum

How do I download and use a font?
Answer: Is it a zip file? If so, you need to extract them. If you're under windows, right click and choose "Extract All". It'll let you put it in a location you remember.

Next, you need to install the font.

Start>>
Settings>>
Control Panel>>
Fonts>>

At the top navigation bar on that window...

File>>
Intall New Font>>

Browse through until you have the location of the font. First, selection which drive it's on. It'll default to C: drive. Then, click through the file options to the left until you get to the file location. Once it recognizes there's a font, it'll list it in the screen at the top. To the right are some buttons.

Select All>>
Ok

You should see it come up as one of the options in your font list. Repeat as necessary.

How do I remember my Mom/Dad/Friend at our ceremony?
Answer: This is one question I can't answer for you. I can say you shouldn't make a joyous event into a memorial. Your friend or family member wouldn't want that from you. Do something simple and meaningful to you and that person. You can't ask for answers on that one. It has to come from your heart.

I wore my Mom's wedding rings on a chain around my neck. All of her kids in the wedding carried a tiny gold sunflower either on their bouquet, boutonniere or in their pocket. Sunflowers were her fave flower. The minister said, "Let us take a moment to remember those who have passed and cannot be here, especially "Chad's Mom's name". We all bowed our heads for a moment and that was it.

I live a happy, productive life. There's no better way to remember my Mom.

Do you have any recommendations for invitation vendors?
Answer: For etiquette, always refer to Crane, the standard for stationery etiquette for decades. For vendors with interesting designs, the vendors below have caught and kept my eye...

Documents and Design www.documentsanddesigns.com
Not From A Box www.notfromabox.com
Funny Buggy www.funnybuggy.com
Trumpet Cards www.trumpetcards.com
Smashing Cards www.smashingcards.com
Bella Figura www.bellafigura.com (our invitation printer)



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